Distress
by Athena465
Summary: At the peak of Kensi and Deeks' secret relationship, he is called back to LAPD for a deep undercover op and is gone for months. While he is gone Kensi begins to pull away from the team. What happens when he goes missing and how far will Kensi go to bring him back? Will the team realize just how close they are?
1. Distress

**A/N: Okay so normally anything i write involves some form of supernatural or fantasy aspect. so this is the first story i have ever written that does not involve any of that, so it might be a bit choppy. Enjoy, still do not own anything**

**Distress**

Chapter 1

Kensi's P.O.V

I walk into the bullpen with a hallow feeling in my chest. Deeks was called in by LAPD last night to go undercover immediately. All he was told that he could be gone for months. Our relationship was not new but being away from him for months on end was not something that either of us wanted to go through.

"Hey Kensi." Callen greeted.

"Morning." I mumble quietly to Sam and Callen. I tried to appear as I normally do, but I knew my shoulders were slumped, at least my eyes were no longer red.

"Bad date last night?" Sam chided. On a normal day I would bite back with humor but I just didn't have the energy. I stayed up with Deeks to see him off then lay awake tossing and turning in his bed. I could swear that his scent was following me from his apartment, and it just sent a longing chill down my spine.

"Kens what is wrong?" my silence sent both of them into protective mode.

"Nothing, I… I got a call this morning from Deeks, he woke me up way to early with the call couldn't fall back asleep, he is going undercover for LAPD." Truth and lies intertwined in my words.

I couldn't tell whether they bought it or not, but before they could say anything Eric whistled. "Case on deck everyone."

And with that I took off towards OPS, missing my partner, in every way, by my side.

* * *

Three months later

Hetty called me to her office and I felt my heart drop. "Is something wrong Hetty? Is Deeks okay?"

"Yes Ms. Blye please take a seat. Would you like some tea?" I shook my head no.

"If he is fine why did you want to talk to me?" I asked after several silent minutes of her looking at me over the rim of her tea cup.

"I know how hard this must be with you."

"Honestly I don't think you do. We were happy, yesterday would have been our one year anniversary and instead of being here, where he belongs," I gesture to the Mission. "He is out there with no back up, with nobody." I sat back in my chair shrinking in on myself.

"You are right, maybe I don't, but I do know that he wouldn't want you to lock yourself away from the team." I looked up at her and opened my mouth to argue but her raised hand shut me up. "You have been pulling away Ms. Blye, you no longer join them for drinks, your weekly girl's night with Nell has ceased. Do any of them know of your relationship?"

"No, we were going to tell them but then we just kept putting it off, then it just became easy to keep it a secret. Now I don't want to tell them until he gets home." My voice was small and weak.

"Very well Ms. Blye but please, everyone is worried about you, don't shut them out." And with that she dismissed me.

The next week I went out to a bar with everyone. I engaged in conversation but my words were hollow and my mind distracted. When had I become this woman who needed a man. But I guess there was just something about him, he was a part of me, and I him.

"Hey Kens I think you caught someone's eye." Nell whispers and pointed to a tall clean cut man. Before that would have been my type but I now had a craving for blonde and blue eyes. "Go talk to him." She pushed.

I laughed nervously. "No, I'm good, too much effort." That effectively killed the conversation, but I had received more worried glances from the team. "I'm going to go, see you guys on Monday. Bye." Waves and byes were passed and I walked out into the cold night.

Three months of going home to an empty home, a missed anniversary, and an empty right side of the bed.

* * *

Two months later

Five months, five slow boring months. The cases were easy and paperwork was all caught up. I spent hours in the gym, taking out my frustrations out on the punching bag, I climbed the wall sparred with any agent willing. But as soon as I stepped under the spray of the shower would the reality of my life hit me.

Walking out to the bullpen I saw Callen and Sam working and Hetty walking over. "Ms. Blye I have a package for you." She sat a small box on my desk and gave me a knowing smile.

I felt Sam and Callen's eyes on me as I opened the box that I knew was from Deeks. When I saw the letter I swear I smiled for the first time since he left. I sat the letter to the side and took out what it covered.

A small box that when I opened a small gasp escaped. A pair of diamond earrings stared back at me. I sat them in my drawer and locked it so that the guys wouldn't see them; I still wanted to wait for Deeks to tell them of our relationship.

I picked up the letter and began to read Deeks' writing.

_Dear Fern,_

_ I'm sorry I missed our anniversary; I know that by now you probably spend all of your time in the gym, and most likely stopped hanging out with the team. I won't ask you to hang out with them if you don't want too; I know how stubborn you can be. The box underneath the letter was supposed to be your gift for our one year anniversary and I know that I am almost three months late but it took FOREVER to safely send it. _

_ I love you Kens, and I really wish I was home right now. And I am sorry that this happened but I promise as soon as I'm home I am signing those papers that Hetty gave me and I'm becoming an agent. I don't want LAPD taking me away from you anymore, I have something to live for now, someone who cares whether or not I come home. I will be home soon Fern, I promise._

_ Love D_

When I finished I just kept staring at his messy writing. I wanted so bad to cry but knew I would have to wait until I got home. I folded the letter and stuffed it in my back pocket. "I'm going out for an early lunch." I said quietly as I grabbed my jacket and all but ran out of the Mission, leaving two very confused and worried men in my wake.

* * *

One month later

Six months away.

Four am… who calls somebody at four am! I grumble as I reached for my phone, missing the body that should have been next to me.

"'Ello." I mumble.

"Kensi," Callen started but hesitated. "You need to get to the Mission as fast as you can." Then he hung up. My mind immediately went to Deeks, either he was home or he was in trouble.

The whole drive to the Mission my mind played worst case scenarios, so I did what I do best, I shut down, temporarily. Driving that distracted would get me killed.

I walked into the Mission 15 minutes after Callen's call. Eric, Nell, Sam, Callen, and Hetty were all in the bullpen. A silent argument was begin waged between Callen and Sam, everyone was oblivious to my arrival. But from the sullen look on their faces I knew that Deeks wasn't home.

"What happened?" my voice was quiet and husky with emotion; I berated myself for sounding so weak, only he could do that to me.

Hetty stood before me, her eyes soft and sad, was he dead? "Is he…" I couldn't say it aloud but she knew what I asked, they all knew.

"No, Ms. Blye. At 3:30 this morning we received an agent in distress for Mr. Deeks' phone." I felt the tears well in my eyes but I refused to let them fall. "Kensi," shocking everyone with the use of my first name, then more so when she used his. "Marty is missing."

**A/N: reviews and thoughts welcome.**


	2. First Kiss and Loss

**A/N: thank you so much for the follows, favs and reviews. Enjoy and i still do not own anything..unfortunately **

**First Kiss and Loss**

Chapter 2

The words missing sent my mind and body into shock. I stared at Hetty without really seeing her. No I was seeing all the times me and Deeks had together. Like our first kiss.

* * *

_We were sitting on his couch after a tough case. Unopened beers sat on his coffee table, neither of us wanting to touch it. The case involved a man suffering from PTSD who, while highly intoxicated, mistook a young girl for an insurgent and shot her._

_ During the duration of the case I couldn't help but think that that could have been the girl I could have had with Jack, and he could have very well done the same thing while in the grips of a flash back._

_ And I knew that Deeks was thinking about his father and the night that he shot him to save him and his mother._

_ Basically the last week was hell; the only thing that either of us could lean on was each other. Looking over at Deeks, I could see the anguish on his face, the pain that a little girl had to die, that he couldn't save her._

_ "Deeks," I whisper and place a hand on his arm. "There was nothing we could have done you know that, right?" he simply nodded._

_ "Doesn't mean it doesn't hurt, but it puts a lot of things into perspective."_

_ "What… what does that mean?" I cold fear gripped me, was he talking about leaving? But when he turned those cerulean blue eyes to me I knew what he was thinking and talking about; our thing._

_ Our thing, left up in the air, tip toed around all but ignored by both of us but clear as day to everyone we cross paths with. I had a few dates since I met him and early every one of them called the date off saying that 'clearly you have someone else on your mind' even when they laid it out plain as day I ignored it. But Damnit I was tired of hiding. Tired of going home alone and doing nothing but thinking of him, dreaming of him, I was tired of fighting my heart._

_ "It means that I'm tired of not taking what I want." His voice was soft and confident as he looked at me, but he made no move._

_ "Then maybe you should take want you want." I say my voice wavering slightly as his eyes leave my eyes and travel to my lips. I swear the he can hear my beating heart as he leans closer, his eyes a shade dark with lust._

_ "Maybe I will." He whispers, his lips brushing mine lightly with every word. When my eyes flutter close he swoops in and I swear for the first time in my life I feel alive._

_ One of his hands grazes my jaw and his other goes around my waist, not pulling me closer but anchoring me as though he was afraid that I would pull away, but pulling away would mean pulling away from my life source and I had no intention of doing that._

_ To show him that I wasn't going anywhere I gripped the front of his shirt in my fists and pulled him closer. I ran my tongue across his bottom lip begging for access, which he happily gave. I was barely aware of the whimper that I let loose as he pulled away._

_ Our breath was ragged and fast fanning across each other's faces._ _"Kens," he began his eyes filling with fear that he had just made a mistake. So I figured I would put his mind at ease._

_ I rested my forehead on his and cupped his face with both of my hands. "Do you know how long I have wanted that?"_

_ A grin broke out on his face and began to lean in again but I put a finger up to halt him, a mischievous smile marring my features._

_ "But you have to take me on a date before you get another one." I whisper._

_ This thing was too precious to ruin by jumping into bed, it was delicate, fragile, we had to take it slow and steady._

_ "Okay, next Friday I will take you on the best first date of your life."_

_ Together we laughed as we turned out attention back to the movie, our hearts beating with anticipation for what the future held for us both._

* * *

When I came out of the memory I noticed that I was sitting at my desk chair and had four pairs of eyes looking at me worriedly and a pair filled with sympathy and sadness at the pain that was so clearly written across my face.

My breath, I noticed was ragged and shallow, as I look over at his desk that remained untouched over the last six months. My eyes dash over my team as I stand on shaky legs. This couldn't be happening, he promised! I think angrily. He promised he wouldn't leave me.

There was no way that my heart could survive going through this again, not when it was him. I took an unsteady step and stumbled. Callen was at my side in an instant. "Kensi, we will find him."

But I don't hear him, the only thing I hear is the blood rushing through my ears as all the 'I love yous' and promises of forever flit through my mind.

"He promised." And that was the last thing I remembered before everything went black

* * *

Callen's P.O.V

As I watched the blank look on Kensi's face when Hetty told her Deeks was missing I wondered just how deep Kensi's feelings for her partner went. I knew that these last 6 months without her partner was hard. She stopped going out with us on Friday nights. Nell said that he last girl's night was one month after.

Sam led a shocked Kensi to her desk chair, she was so lost in some sort of memory that she didn't register that she was moving.

"Is she okay?" Nell asked to anyone who was listening.

Hetty moved to stand before Kensi's desk, keeping a watchful eye on her only female agent. "Kensi just needs time. Mr. Callen you must bring Marty back." Her voice was hard. And that was the second time she used Deeks and Kensi's first name.

"Of course but will she be alright to work the case?" I say motioning to her blank and shell shocked expression. She looked like a child who lost her mother in the crowd at the mall, lost, confused and scared, all emotions I would have never associated with the tough as nail Badass Blye.

"If I take her off this case she will most certainly go off by herself to find him. If she is with us we can keep an eye on her." Sam said.

Then Kensi's eyes shot to Deeks' desk. A brief flash of anger shot over her eyes, but quickly the disbelief took over. When her eyes roamed over us I saw just how dead and hollowed they looked and I rushed to her side in protective big brother mode. She stood up and shaky legs. "Kensi we will find him." I say hoping to get her attention.

She stumbled forward and whispered in a broken voice; "He promised." Then she fainted. She fell forward and would have hit the ground if I hadn't caught her, her forehead just above my collarbone. I looked at Nell's worried eyes, "Nell can you get a cup of water and a blanket, I will lay her on the couch." I picked her up bridal style and walked with my team trailing behind me.

Nell laid the blanket over Kensi's form and for the first time I saw her without makeup did I notice the black circles under her eyes.

"Mr. Beale, Ms. Jones please contact LAPD they should be sending over the information of Marty's case to us." Hetty brushed a strand of hair from her face and leaned forward. "We will find him my dear." Her voice was soft, like a mother cooing a sick child. Then she turned to me and I saw a fire burn in her irises that would send a cold fear running down any criminals spine and have them cowering in a corner crying for their mothers. "Go over the files from LAPD. Bring him home Mr. Callen or you will be down two agents."

Her words were cryptic but the meaning was clear; bring him home, alive, or else Kensi will be lost to us for good. I motioned to Sam and with that we ran up the stairs to OPS to go over the files.

Before I walked into OPS I looked back at the female agent and swore to myself to find her partner. The last thing she needed was to lose another partner after losing her father, her fiancé, then her partner. She wouldn't lose her best friend if I could help it.


	3. My Queen

**A/N: long chapter but I am happy with how it came out. Enjoy.**

**one last thing...Am I the only one that wants to see more of Julia in season 6?! I want to see how the relationship as grown!**

**My Queen**

Chapter 3

Kensi's P.O.V

When I came round I noticed I was lying down and a blanket was thrown over my body. I looked around and saw that I was alone but a cup of water and headache medicine. I swung my legs over onto the floor and tossed back the pill draining the glass of water.

Since it is still dark out I know that it is still early morning.

_Wow look at you being a Detective._ Deeks' voice chides playfully. And that one thought that one memory of his voice puts me into drive. I stand up and march up to OPS, and I go into Agent Blye mode. Sitting there and wallowing will not bring Deeks back.

As I walk up the stairs Hetty appears at the top effectively slowing my travels. "Yes Hetty?"

"Ah," she nods slowly at the tone of my voice. "I see Agent Blye is here and Kensi is tucked neatly away."

"Wallowing will not bring him home to me, Hetty." I say quietly. "I know that if he dies or we never find him, I will not recover."

"That is what I told Mr. Callen, not of your relationship." I look at her with such anger she explains. "Kensi, they all know that there feelings they just do not know that said feelings have been acted upon. Now come, LAPD has finally sent the files over, this is officially our case."

I nod and without another word I stalk into OPS. All eyes turn to me but a glare sends them talking. Deeks was right, I thought with a smirk, Badass Blye glare is enough to get things done.

"Deeks was sent undercover to take down a drug cartel. He was to get close to the cartel ring leader," Nell brings up a picture. "Juan Ramirez is known to deal not only in drugs but women as well. Deeks' undercover alias was Tyler Jackson, a shady lawyer with questionable ethics and known drug connections and an affinity for drunken women."

At those words I clench my jaw and stare impassively at the screen as a picture of Deeks in a ruffled suit sitting at the bar with a blonde in his lap. But that isn't Deeks, I know. This man has a sneer on his face and cold distant eyes.

Eric speaks next. "Deeks speaks in his reports that one man who was close to Ramirez was wary of Tyler, that he didn't trust him."

"What is this man's name?" Callen asks.

"He is just listed as Simon, there are no pictures, no video feed, the man is nowhere, but he is Ramirez's right hand man. He is dangerous and calculating." Eric answers.

"Okay Nell send us the address to where Deeks was staying, and we will head over there."

"Already done." She says while she looks at me, sympathy lining her eyes, I can see what she wants I give her a small smile and that is all she needs. As the guys file out of OPS Nell walks over to me and tightly hugs me. Even though she didn't know about my relationship she knew of my feelings before the relationship. On every girl night I had to make sure that the conversation didn't steer towards me and Deeks.

"Thank you Nell." I whisper as I pull away and walk out of OPS to my SRX.

15 miles, that is how far away Deeks has been from my house for 6 months. 15 miles that felt like a thousand. The building was sun down and shabby, adding to a morally challenged lawyer. Callen and Sam are waiting for me. I ignore the looks on their faces for now, I just want to go upstairs and find him. So I take the keys from Callen's hand and go up to his apartment on the second floor.

Opening the door I am met with a smell distinctly Deeks and an undercurrent of blood. Blood.

"The blood is not Deeks, forensics is running it now should be back when we get back to OSP." Sam says softly after seeing my eyes glued to the blood smear on the wall leading to the bedroom. So that is where I head, leaving the guys to sweep the rest of the small apartment.

The door is off of its hinges and blood on the handle, and I can't help it when my heart constricts. Adorning my black latex gloves I go through his drawers hoping to find something. Finding nothing there I lift up the mattress on of his favorite hiding places.

A sticky note is taped to the underside and I grab it, curious. On word is written in his messy writing. _Cereal._

"What?" I say as I walk into his kitchen and look for cereal boxes. I feel Callen and Sam's eyes watching me. When I find the cereal there are two boxes, the kind he likes and the kind I like.

I take the one I know he abhors down and notice that it is light. I take it to the counter and pour its contents on the counter.

"How did you know that was there?" Sam asks looking through the papers.

"This was under his mattress." I say as I pick up an envelope that looks empty.

"These seem to be notes about the case that he was working on." Callen says but he quickly shoots a look at me when I gasp. "What is it Kens?"

I open my mouth to answer but nothing comes out. They look over my shoulder and look at the picture.

I remember the day that it was taken as if it was yesterday.

* * *

_I roll over reaching out to the warm body but come up with cold sheets, but before the panic can set in I hear Deeks humming in the kitchen and the undeniable smell of bacon. I reach over the bed and grab his shirt from last night, and button a few buttons and some underwear then make my way to his kitchen._

_ Since his back is to me I lean against the door jam and watch him. I watch as he reaches above the stove for some spices, and his back muscles contract. That is when the desire to touch him overtakes me and I reach out circling my arms around his waist._

_ "Good morning sunshine."_

_ "Good morning Shaggy. I must say I thoroughly enjoyed your birthday gift last night." I whisper seductively in his ear. I kiss under his jaw and I hear him swallow thickly as my hands wander to the waist band of his plaid sweats._

_ "As much as I would love to sweetheart you need to eat your breakfast then we need to get ready for work." He turned around and leaned down to graze his lips to mine._

_ "Fine, do not forget we are supposed to go to my mother's tonight."_

_ "I would never forget." I laugh at that as I reached around him for my plate of food._

_ That night we head to my mother's and spend the evening chatting about everything and nothing. When mom brings out a cake, I squeal (yes I squealed) when I saw the chocolate._

_ "Make a wish Kensi." Mother says. I look to Deeks with a soft smile. I hear the click of a camera and then close my eyes and make a wish._

_ "What did you wish for?" Deeks asks._

_ "I'm not going to tell you." I laugh at the pouting look on his face._

_ "Oh come on please."_

_ I look to make sure that mother is still in the kitchen as I lean over and whisper in his ear. "I wished for some more of that birthday sex you treated me to last night."_

_ At first he is shocked but then a truthful grin erupts as he chuckles. "I think I may be able to arrange that." He says and I lean in and brush his lips with mine. It was short and sweet and full of love._

_ A week later I go over to my mother's while Deeks is home sick to spend some time. We spend ours just talking and catching up, making up for the lost years._

_ "You love him don't you?"_

_ "You know, normally I would deny that with everything I have but I do, I am in love with him." I whisper as I look at the fire roaring in the fireplace._

_ "Here I got a picture from your birthday, I saw it and couldn't help but admire the look you two are sharing."_

_ The picture is right before I blew out my candles. Me and Deeks were bathed in the warm light and a look of pure love and happiness in both of our eyes._

* * *

"When was that taken?" Sam asks.

"At my mother's house on my birthday last year." I whisper. I feel my gut twist as I remember that day, how for the first time in a long time I felt as though I had a home; a home with my mother, a home with Deeks.

I flip the photo around and more messily written words. _Loose bored._

"What does that mean?"

"Loose floor board I answer. Deeks always complains about a loose floor board in his apartment that creaks every he steps on it." I answer automatically.

"And how do you know this." internally I kick myself.

"It is on the way to the kitchen, I have stepped on it." I lie smoothly. In fact the floor board is in his bedroom so that is where I head. "There must be a loose floor board somewhere and the only place with wood his the bedroom.

So for several minutes we step around the room. It is Sam who hits gold, as a board creaks under his boot. "Floor is hallowed; it's about two feet long and a foot wide."

We crowd around him as he pries the boards up. "Damn it's a safe." Callen says as we look at the keypad.

"Wonder what more important than case notes to hide in a floor safe. I will call someone to crack it open."

I shake my head. "No let me try." I lean down and go through special dates we had shared together.

Our anniversary; wrong.

His birthday; wrong.

My birthday; wrong.

I pinch the bridge of my nose and think. I wrack and wrack my brain to a date that held the most significance for Deeks. Then his words come back to me, the night before he left 6 months ago.

_The best day of my life was the day I officially became your partner._

I enter the date and the light flashes green much to the guys' surprise.

"What was it?" Sam asks.

"It was the day we officially became partners." I say as I open the door. Inside are more case notes but underneath all of that is a small cardboard box with _Kensi_ written on the top. I gingerly lift it up and move to sit at the foot of the bed.

I look up to Sam and Callen's eyes, and then back down as I open the box. There was a loose letter on top.

_Kens if you are reading this I am either missing or dead. And I really hope you never ever have to read this. I don't want you to think that I am just another guy who left you, I refuse to be that so if I am alive I will do everything in my power to stay alive. I know you will get me back. Even if nothing happens to me I will still give you this box. I will try to write a letter every day._

_ Love D_

I feel a tear slide down my face. I set the note to the side and start going through the letters. "Seems there is a letter for everyday he was gone." Callen says softly as he sat on my right side and Sam on my left. I took a shaky breath as I pulled a letter out, letting them read it over my shoulder, at this point I didn't care if they knew how involved we really were.

_Well our one year anniversary was today, I swear I did everything I could to try to wrap this case up before then, but then Simon started questioning me so I had to back off a bit. There is something about this Simon guy that seems familiar, not like I have seen him before but that I have had him described to me. Last night he got plastered, how this man stays a ghost is beyond me. Anyway he spoke about a woman that he left without a word. It reminded me of what Jack did to you. I know that the man broke your heart but I can't help but thank him a little because you became the woman I fell in love with, he brought me to you and you to me. I will be home soon Fern I promise._

_ Love D_

A sob that I try desperately to restrain escapes and tears flow down my cheeks. So much for Agent Blye I think bitterly. But I can't bring myself to care, the man I love is missing and I have no clue where he is.

Callen wraps his arm around my shoulders but I barely register it as I put the letter back, but it won't lay flush with the bottom. So I dig my finger down and grab a small felt box. As I bring it up my heart stops, as well as the hand that Callen was rubbing in circles on my back.

I keep staring at the box, knowing full well what is inside. I open and a small piece of paper flutters to the ground. I pick it up and read it out loud.

"One day Princess, I will make you my queen." I stare for a few minutes at the simple diamond ring, it was perfect.

"No offense to Deeks, but that was cheesy, even for him." Sam jokes, drawing a watery laugh from me.

"Yea it is." Then the damn breaks and I lean into Callen and cry. But not just cry, I sob, heartbreaking sobs of sadness. Callen's arms wrap around me and run his hands in comforting circles. But they are not the hands that I want, not the hands that I need.

"I love him, and… and… I can't lose him. Not him." I whisper brokenly.

* * *

Sam's P.O.V.

I am confused as Kensi walks into the kitchen as she starts rummaging through the cabinets, stopping when she finds the cereal. She takes a box down and spreads its no edible contents on the table.

"How did you know that was there?" I ask as I go through what looks like case notes. Places that Ramirez visits, contacts, and numbers of everyone in the cartel.

"This was under his mattress." She says distractedly as she picks up what looks like an empty envelope. I watch her open the envelope and I see a deep and profound sadness in her eyes that deeply worries me.

"These seem to be notes about the case that he was working on." Callen says but he quickly shoots a look at me when Kensi gasps. "What is it Kens?" But she doesn't hear. I can tell that she is lost in another memory like she was when she was told Deeks was missing. There was clearly something going on with these two.

"When was that taken?" I ask hoping to draw her back to the present.

"At my mother's house on my birthday last year." She whispers so quietly that I have to strain to hear. I look to Callen, we knew that Kensi was building her relationship with her mother but not that Deeks was an active participant.

She flips the photo around. _Loose bored._

"What does that mean?" Callen asks. A small smile touches her lips.

"Loose floor board." She shakes her head slightly. "Deeks always complains about a loose floor board in his apartment that creaks every he steps on it." I look at my partner who just smirks and I shake my head.

"And how do you know this." he asks

"It is on the way to the kitchen, I have stepped on it." It is clearly a lie but I can see but before either of us can say anything she speaks again. "There must be a loose floor board somewhere and the only place with wood his bedroom."

So for several minutes we step around the room. I am the one who finds it and my boot steps down and I hear a faint creak. "Floor is hallowed; it's about two feet long and a foot wide." I saw as they crowd around me.

"Damn it's a safe." Callen says as we look at the keypad.

"Wonder what more important than case notes to hide in a floor safe. I will call someone to crack it open." I say, truly curious although I have an idea it is something to do with Kensi.

Just as I knew she would, Kensi shakes her head. "No let me try."

Three tries each is wrong and I see her become frustrated as she tries to think of what he would have used as a security code. She pinches her nose and scrunches up her face. Then she relaxes and smiles.

She enters a set of numbers and to my surprise it opens.

"What was it?" I ask.

"It was the day we officially became partners." I look over to Callen and we share a knowing look filled with sympathy for the female agent. Inside are more case notes but underneath all of that is a small cardboard box with _Kensi_ written on the top. She gingerly lifts it up and moves to sit at the foot of the bed.

She looks up at us, and then back down and begins to open the box. There was a loose letter on top.

we watch her read the letter that is clearly from Deeks. Her eyes glaze over and finally a single tear slides down her face. We walk over and sit on either side of her, showing silent support to our hurting team member; family member. "Seems there is a letter for everyday he was gone." Callen says softly.

She takes a shaky breath and lifts another letter, clearly not caring that we are reading it. She was letting us look into what is clearly a serious relationship in her grief, for I knew that she needed support. So I read…

_Well our one year anniversary was today, I swear I did everything I could to try to wrap this case up before then, but then Simon started questioning me so I had to back off a bit. There is something about this Simon guy that seems familiar, not like I have seen him before but that I have had him described to me. Last night he got plastered, how this man stays a ghost is beyond me. Anyway he spoke about a woman that he left without a word. It reminded me of what Jack did to you. I know that the man broke your heart but I can't help but thank him a little because you became the woman I fell in love with, he brought me to you and you to me. I will be home soon Fern I promise._

_ Love D_

One year, they have been together for a whole year and nobody noticed. I couldn't bring myself to be angry though. Deeks taught Kensi how to smile again, how to love again

I look to Kensi and see tears openly trailing down her cheeks. A sob that she tries desperately to restrain escapes and tears flow down her cheeks in torrents, and my heart breaks for the woman that I think of as a little sister, and I see the same heartbreak in Callen's eyes.

Callen wraps his arm around her shoulders but she barely registers it as she puts the letter back, but it won't lay flush with the bottom. I watch as she reaches down and grabs something that makes her freeze before pulling up a felt box.

All three of us kept staring at the box, knowing full well what is inside. She opens the box and a small paper falls out. She picks it up and reads it out loud.

"One day Princess, I will make you my queen." she stares for a few minutes at the simple diamond ring." I can feel the despair and grief radiating off of Kensi.

"No offense to Deeks, but that was cheesy, even for him." I jokes, drawing a watery laugh from her.

"Yea it is." Then we watch as the damn breaks and she leans into Callen and cries. Her heartbroken sobs echo throughout the apartment. A uniform officer walks in but I quickly wave him away knowing full well Kensi didn't want anyone she didn't know see her break down.

I look to Callen as he tries to sooth a shaking and shiver Kensi, but it is no use. Her mind, body and soul are consumed with a lost love. And if her broken sobs weren't enough to break my heart and twist my guts her words are.

"I love him, I need him… and… and… I can't lose him. N-not him." she whispers brokenly


	4. Last Irrevocable Loss

**A/N: Thank you for the reviews and all of the follows and favs, it is greatly appreciated. Enjoy, but I still do not own anything. ( I still want to see Julia in season6) here we see why Deeks was taken.**

**Last Irrevocable Loss**

Chapter 4

Nell's P.O.V

"I love him, I need him… and… and… I can't lose him. N-not him." Kensi's broken words and sobs echo through Ops through Callen's comm. Eric and I sit staring at him. Never has anyone heard the tough as nails female agent sound so broken, not even when she was chasing after her father's murderer.

"Please Ms. Jones, Mr. Beale, see if there are any cameras around Mr. Deeks' apartment." On any another day the sudden appearance of the little ninja would send my heart racing and Eric jumping from his chair, but today we are all haunted by the sobs still coming over the speakers.

"Did you know they were together Hetty?" I ask without taking my eyes from Eric's.

"To work you two, me need to find him, and soon." And with those parting words she left OPS.

"Sam is he okay?" Eric asks. We can hear Sam standing up and walking away the sobs from his comms fading.

"No, we found a floor safe. When she opened it we found some case notes that we will bring back to OSP but there was also a box for Kensi. Guys there is a letter for nearly every day that he has been gone."

"Oh my, I knew she had feelings for him but I didn't know they were together." I say quietly as I hear Eric distractedly typing.

"That's not the worse part."

"There's more?" Eric's voice is soft.

I can't help but think that if something happened to Callen I would be in the same state as Kensi was.

"Yea at the bottom of the box was an engagement ring…"

"One day my Princess, I will make you my queen." I repeat Kensi's renewed cries sound through, we forgot that she too had a comm in as well and could hear us. "So that's what that meant." I take a deep, unsteady breath as I feel tears prick the back of my eyes. "Okay guy's head back to OPS and bring the case notes and we will get security camera footage from around the apartment."

"Alright we are on our way." Callen says. "Come one Kens, Sam will drive your vehicle back to OPS okay?" I hear him say softly, trying not to evoke more tears.

* * *

Deeks' P.O.V

I wake up to a cold bucket of water being poured over my head. It sends a very unwelcome shockwave through my body. Opening my eyes I see Ramirez standing before me and Simon holding the bucket.

"What the hell guys, is this how you treat all of your lawyers cuz I gotta say I'm not feeling the love at the moment."

"Simon you sure this man is a cop?" Ramirez asks.

"More than sure." Simon says as he kneels in front of me. "I must say, I never thought Kensi would go for someone like you."

At the mention of her name I feel my body go stock still and my back straighten and tense. His menacing laugh brought forth the desire to kill this man. But then it all clicked, the reason Simon looked familiar.

"Jack?"

"Ah, she told you about me, how very un-Kensi like. Bitch was broken when I left her, she got what she deserved."

"Don't you dare speak about her like that you bast…" a fist connects to my gut and throws the air out of my lungs.

"You are in no position to threaten me Detective. You see I knew you looked familiar but then one day it clicked. I had seen Kensi at the beach one day about 9 months ago. She was sitting there with this dog lying next to her and I thought to myself, damn she still looks hot. Then you come sauntering up and I watched as she kissed you." his voice was cold and detached.

"Yea she is happy now, she has moved on." I argue.

"Yes she has. But you the thing is, when Kensi loves someone she loves them with everything she has; losing her father nearly destroyed her, losing me sent her into a bout of depression. But just imagine what would happen if she found you, dead on a cold warehouse floor with a bullet to the chest." he moves his face closer to mine and continues with his horrific story. "She will place her hands on your wound and try desperately to keep you alive but you will just become another man who left her, who abandoned her. And the cherry on top is that, I won't end her suffering. I will watch from afar as she slips farther and farther from her family, I will watch as the darkness consumes her until finally she can't take it anymore and ends it herself."

I feel my heart plummet to the ground as he sneers again and he and Ramirez walk away as though it was just another day. The door shut and a dead bolt was locked into place effectively leaving me to the horrors in my own mind.

* * *

Kensi's P.O.V

I didn't mean to break down on Callen's shoulder in the apartment, but seeing that ring I felt as though I was dying. I watched absently watched the city of Los Angeles blur by as I finger the felt box.

It is Callen's voice that brings me back down to earth. "So a year, how did you manage to keep it from us?"

"It wasn't easy, especially in the beginning," I smile wistfully. "It took a lot of work for the both of us, but we wanted to show all of you that we could be together and still work efficiently."

"Well you succeeded in doing that. I guess all of the smiles from you are now explained."

"What?" I ask.

"I noticed a year ago, it seemed as though a weight had been lifted from your shoulders, you just seemed genuinely happy, and your laugh and smile was real. I guess if I had looked hard enough I would have seen the reason. You really love him." It was a statement but I knew he wanted me to confirm his words.

"Yea I do. More than I ever loved Jack. Callen if we don't find him in time, I fear I will not survive."

"Don't say that. We will find him. But I know that he would want you to move on and be happy." I shook my head in frustration.

"You don't get it Callen," I snap. I settle down and continue in a calmer voice. "These past 6 months have been hell. I can't sleep, I can't eat, hell I can't even go to the beach because it reminds me of him. I willingly let him consume me, but I can't bring myself to regret It." we stop at a red light and Callen turns to look at me but I continue to stare at the car ahead of us. "I need him, like I need to breath." I clench the little black box in my hand. "He is last irrevocable loss. But I won't stop till I find because I am not ready to stop living because that means that he is gone and that is unacceptable." My voice is hard and I see, out of the corner of my eye Callen nod his head.

"So this is what true love looks like." Callen's voice gives away a bit of envy. "He is one lucky man."


	5. Passion Rules Reason

**A/N: Thanks so much to everyone reading this and leaving reviews, it is all loved dearly by me and please feel free to leave more.**

**This chapter has slight hints of suicide, which is not a subject that i take lightly nor will ever take lightly or just threw in here without a second thought. I thought long and hard about whether i wanted to add it to this chapter or not. I added it because it gives such a deepness and rawness to Kensi and Deeks' relationship. **

**please enjoy, still do not own anything**

**Passion Rules Reason**

Chapter 5

Kensi's P.O.V

Sam had arrived before me and Callen and was standing at the table in OPS looking through Deeks' case notes. "Find anything?" Callen asked walking over to stand by his partner.

He shook his head. "Just your typical analysis about the cartel members, the one that seemed to worry Deeks the most was Simon."

"Guys we have video of someone entering the complex and breaking into Deeks' apartment while he wasn't there." Nell said.

"Did you get a clear shot of his face?" I ask as I move to stand before the big screen.

"Why of course." Eric's confident voice answered, normally I would smile but as of the moment I felt hallow almost dead inside. And Deeks was the elixir to bring me back to life.

The picture was grainy but when he stopped the feed I immediately knew. "Son of a bitch!" I yell, my fists balling by my side, I went from feeling nothing to feeling a deep and unsettling rage settle in my chest, begging for a release, begging to be unleashed into the world.

"Kensi?" I don't know who spoke to me but I could feel my body shiver with anger. I was seething.

"That is Jack Simon, my ex-fiancé." I growled and spun on my heel to face my team. At some point Hetty entered OPS.

"Guys the blood at Deeks' apartment also belongs to one Jack Simon." Nell answered. "Wow." She whispered.

I could swear I started seeing red, there was only one thought that was coursing through my mind and if I was emotionally stable it would have struck fear in me; REVENGE.

* * *

Hetty's P.O.V

I could see Kensi shake with anger, but then a deep calm settled over her and I knew that we were seeing a truly unhinged Kensi; one that was only briefly seen while she hunted her father's murderer.

Only this time it was consuming her; whereas she was going to let Clairmont live, she was out for Jack Simon's blood. Love gives strength and tears you down all at the same time. And right now I was seeing just how deeply in love Kensi Marie Blye was with our liaison.

I looked around the room and saw that all eyes were on Kensi as well seeing and register the same thing she was. "Ms. Jones look for a place of residence for Mr. Simon."

Nell furiously typed away for several minutes. During those minutes I continued to study Kensi's posture. Her back was rigid, her shoulders tense, waves of hatred and pain radiating off of her being. Anyone unlucky enough to cross her path would be facing a woman scorned.

Kensi Blye was a wonderful agent, but before Deeks she was hard, rigid, she took unnecessary risks, and had a string of men that lasted no more than a couple of hours, just long enough to sate her.

In the beginning of the partnership she kept up these one night stands but ever so gradually she quiet going out to bars on Friday nights and instead spent them with her partner. The same with Deeks, eventually he stopped his one night stands. For years everyone watched and waited with baited breath for the day they would find each other.

But they found each other the day Deeks had pulled Kensi from the room of lasers, they found each other again when Deeks was shot and the once again after Kensi had reconnected with her mother.

I am not privy to how they moved their partnership to a relationship but I knew, I really knew, that it would have little to no effect on their work so I sent them on their way with nothing but a warning.

"Okay I just sent the address to your phones." Nell said.

Kensi took the lead but I stopped her. "Ms. Blye." I waited till she turned her withering glare onto me and swear that I felt the chill of death in her eyes. "Do what you have to, to bring him home."

She simply nodded and left with her team following behind her.

* * *

Eric's P.O.V

"Wow, what do you think was scarier, Kensi's glare or the fact that everyone just saw fear flash in Hetty's eyes?" I asked the redhead next to me.

I see her try and hold back a smile as she shakes her head and shuffles through Deeks' case notes. "Let us just say I wouldn't fear the end of the world now." She says and I can't help but chuckle.

"Hey, this looks like a letter to Kensi." I say as I open the letter.

"It must have fallen out." She moves to stand next to me and grabs the envelope out of my hand. "Do you think we should read it?"

"Um…" I scratch the back of my neck. "I don't know it might be private."

"Oh come on, we get a once in a life time chance to look at the complex relationship that is Deeks and Kensi." I don't give an answer as she rips open the letter carefully. Looking over her shoulder I begin reading.

* * *

_Kensi… god I miss you so much. Five months away from you, I must say this royally sucks! By now I know you have raided my desk drawer and my locker and found those not so secret Twinkie stashes. _

_Today I was just sitting here and thinking about the beach. About how you would be stretched out next to me, Monty running around like a lunatic. I would make some moronic comment about putting sunscreen on your back, and you would hit me and tell me not to be a pig. But you would relent and hand me the bottle because let's admit it you love my hands on you. I have first-hand experience with that. Wow I even sat here for a second waiting for that light hearted punch I know you would give me._

_ I noticed that you have become such an integral part of my life. Coming home to you, falling asleep next to you… and my personal favorite making love to you, man… now I need a cold shower. I miss those beautiful two-toned eyes that darken with lust. During our first night together and I saw how your eyes darkened with lust, I swore to myself silently that I would never let you go, because I am so in love with you Kensi, even with your messiness, and sugar addictions and that cute little snort snore that you vehemently deny. I want no other man to see how you come undone like you do under me, I don't want you to let yourself go and give up control like you do with me, I want no other man to hear 'I love you' come from those beautiful lips, I don't want to see your eyes sparkle when you look at another man. Call me possessive and jealous but let us be honest, you are just as possessive and jealous as I am. But that is what makes us work, we can get possessive, the little green-eyed monster can show its fangs but at the end of the day we both know that our love is strong and unmovable. Man would have an easier time moving a mountain than tearing me from your side._

_ I am so undeniably in love with you Fern I promise I will be home soon and sign those papers and cut ties with LAPD for good. Because let's face it, we are both miserable right now. I will be yours forever Kensalina._

_ Love D_

* * *

"Whoa." I whisper, I hear Nell sniffle. Looking down I see tears streaming down her cheeks.

"They are really in love."

"Yea." In my mind I dream of a day when I find someone who makes me feel like that. At one point I thought that that would be Nell but I see the way her and Callen look at each other, it is kind of a more subdued Kensi and Deeks.

"So this is what true love looks like." She whispers. "Eric if we don't find him alive, do you think that Kensi will quit NCIS?"

"I think her quitting NCIS would be the last thing we would have to worry about her doing." She whirls around to me, fear in her eyes.

"She wouldn't."

"Nell you read the same thing I did. Her father was murdered, Dom murderer. Jack left, and even with him I don't think she ever let him in as much as she has let Deeks in. the have consumed each other so completely that without one the other withers. These past six months Kensi has looked like hell, she stopped socializing." I pinch the bridge of my nose. "If he is gone for good, I honestly do not think she could keep living, even the strongest have their breaking point and anything Deeks' related is her breaking point."

I let my words settle over Nell as more tears silently fell as she looked down at the love letter Deeks had wrote. Kensi Blye was undoubtedly one of the toughest women I have ever crossed paths with. But I knew in my heart that she would cease to live if Deeks were dead.

From day one it was obvious that there was something between the young agents, they denied it vehemently whenever mentioned. I won't pretend to know when they came something more or how (that is something I really don't want to picture), but they did and it was the strongest bond I had ever seen between two people.

Kensi may have Sam, Callen, Hetty, Nell and myself but I know we wouldn't be able to save her from the darkness she would inevitably slip into if he was gone. We wouldn't be able to drag her from the nightmares that will plaque her, not a single one of us would be able to talk her from the precipice of infinite darkness that is death, and that scared me to no end.

"Let's get to work then to ensure that they both come home, alive." Nell's tears dried and her shoulders were set with determination.

* * *

Callen's P.O.V

I sat in Sam's challenger watching Kensi's SRX in front of us. "You saw that right?"

"Saw what?" Sam asked.

"The look of fear in Hetty's eyes when Kensi thought she was going to be taken off of the case." I whisper, it was juvenile I knew neither of them could hear me, but hell call me paranoid, both women scared me sometimes.

Sam heaved a sigh. "Yea, I saw that. But in all honesty I have never seen Kensi this unhinged. I mean we briefly saw it when she was after Clairmont but this…" he points to the SRX. "This is step up from anger; this is pure, barely in check rage."

"On the way back I told her that we would find hm, but even if we didn't I told her I knew that he would want her to be happy. Sam the way she spoke was with more emotion than I had ever heard from her." I grip the dashboard as Sam stops.

"What did she say?" he looked over to me.

"That she willingly let her love for him consume her, that she needed him like she needed to breathe. She said that he would be the last irrevocable loss." I say remembering the emotion in her voice the way it broke towards the end of her small rant. How the tears formed but never fell, I was surprised that she could even still produce tears.

"When she saw Jack on the screen and was told that it was Jack's blood in the apartment I watched as a woman I had never laid eyes on before come into being." Sam said. "A woman who would do anything, go to any amount of lengths to secure what she loves most."

"Do you think she is capable of murder?" I ask although I know the answer, but hearing it come from Sam without a moment of hesitation lets me know that I am not the only one thinking it.

"Yes. Without a doubt." He says as he pulls into a driveway behind the SRX. Kensi was already out and headed to the front door. Sam stares at Kensi while she uses a lock pick to open the front door, not even waiting for us. "The only sovereign you can allow to rule you is reason but sometimes passion rules reason."

**A/N: more Deeks next chapter and a vengeful Kensi, Jack should be scared about a woman scorned. stay tuned.**


	6. Where is he!

**A/N: so here is chapter 6. as soon as i finished 5 i kept writing. this story is just flowing and who am i to object! Enjoy still do not own anything.**

_"With hate in my heart...vengeance without mercy." Terry Goodkind_

**Where is he!**

Chapter 6

Kensi's P.O.V

I pick the lock of Jack's house, just as I open the door Sam and Callen walk up behind me. We adorn black latex gloves and go inside. We all go our separate ways, Sam and Callen on the first floor me on the second.

Apparently being the second hand man in a cartel pays good money because everything is modern and undeniably expensive, and that thought makes me sick. The Jack I knew, the Jack before the war, before the PTSD, never cared about material gains. He used to say that a simple one bedroom house would be enough.

But the Jack I knew would never kidnap a man, the man that lived here; the man who took Deeks' from me was a monster and deserved the deepest pit in Hell. I walk into his room. The sheets are tousled and woman's clothes in the closest and make up in the bathroom.

Either this woman was in on Jack's business or she was clueless. A picture on the desk draws my attention. She is blonde and striking green eyes a few freckles dot her face. Her eyes are full of innocence and life. Where if I look at his close enough I can see the darkness, I can see the cold.

"What the Hell are you doing in my house!" A woman yelled downstairs. As I walk down the stairs I hear Callen telling her they were federal agents. Before he can dive into the required questions I make my way down stairs and speak before him.

"Who are you? Wife, girlfriend, one night stand?" my voice is detached and uncaring, because I don't, care that is. All I care about it Deeks and this woman could have information.

"I'm his wife. You are… Kensi?"

We all tense as she says my name. "How do you know my name, I have never met you before."

"Jack showed me a picture of the two of you together while we were dating." She says with reverence. "He always said that you were beautiful and I must say the picture doesn't do you justice."

I ignore her, I am not here for pleasantries. "Do you know where you husband is?"

"He is at work. Why, did he do something wrong?"

Again I speak before Callen. "His blood was found at a crime scene where a man was kidnapped and seen on video entering and exiting the apartment. Where does your husband work." I refrained from calling him by his name.

Callen is standing behind me and I see that he is willingly backing down from taking the lead on this, giving me the reins to do just as Hetty said' Do whatever necessary to bring him home' home to me.

"He owns Black Hawke Security." She rummages in a drawer and pulls out a card. I do not reach out to take it so Sam gently takes it but without a smile. "If I may say Kensi…" she pauses and looks to the ground then back up at me. "You are nothing like Jack said you were. He said that you were sweet and caring." I could feel the other two agents tense, clearly waiting for me to snap. And snap I did but in a more calm manner than they thought.

"Yea well waking up to an empty bed on Christmas morning changes a person. But your husband kidnaping my fiancé, well that is liable to make me pretty pissed off do you not think." My voice was calm but towards the end my words were laced with venom and I was seething but you would never tell on the outside.

"Jack is a good man he would never…"

"Then clearly you don't know him, neither of us ever really knew him." I stalked toward her slowly like a wolf stalking an elk. "Your _husband_" I spat. "Is the second in command in a drug cartel, your _husband_ kidnapped the only man I ever let in after he left me. Your _husband _has a target on his back, has from the moment he took my fiancé." I not once raised my voice but I had her cowering in herself but I couldn't bring myself to care.

Without a look back I leave and go to stand by my car and wait for Sam to move his car so we could head over to Black Hawke Security.

* * *

Deeks' P.O.V

Hours felt like days as Jack took his time landing blow after blow to my stomach, legs arms jaw. He didn't speak, didn't even look me in the eye. He just kept punching me with a sinister smile on his face.

Then finally the abuse stopped and Jack wiped his hands off with a towel, leaving trails of blood on the white cloth. "Lucky for you I have to go to work, can't have anyone getting suspicious now can we. But don't worry I will be back, you make quiet the punching bag."

As he was leaving I found my voice. "Kensi will find you. She will find you and put an end to your pathetic life."

"Ha! You don't honestly believe that? Kensi is weak, one perfectly timed smile from me, one touch from me and she will forget about you. Then I will break her by breaking you." and with that he was gone.

I knew he was wrong, Kensi would find me, she would never go back to him. She loved me and I loved her. I closed my eyes and thought back on our many memories. The one that stuck out this time was when we told her mother that we were together.

* * *

_"Kensi, Marty just on time dinner is nearly ready." Julia said as she hugged Kensi then me. After dinner was eaten and the table cleared Kensi broached the subject. Kensi told me over and over that everything would be fine that her mother loved me, but I never had the best track record with parents._

_ "Mom, we have something to tell you." she grabbed my hand and spoke. "We are together… finally." I couldn't help but laugh at that._

_ Julia was silent for all of five seconds before he jumped up and hugged her daughter. "I am so happy my dear." Kensi hugged her mother tighter as a tear escaped her eyes. I couldn't help but admire the scene before me. Two women who spent 15 years apart were embracing as though they were never separated._

_ Kensi was the perfect mixture of her father and mother. She had her mothers' soft caring side and her fathers' Marine morals. Her mothers' soft eyes and her fathers' sharp features, the prefect balance._

_ Then she was hugging me. "You take good care of her Marty." She says aloud, but then whispers. "Thank you, you brought her back to me."_

* * *

That night I saw Kensi as the little girl wrapped firmly in her mothers' arms with her father standing protectively over the both of them.

I had to stay alive, I refused to leave Kensi, I refuse.

* * *

Kensi's P.O.V

On the drive to Black Hawke Security Nell called and patched everyone through, a neat little five way call.

"Guys Jack just arrived for work ten minutes ago. We are following his car back to where it came from but it is going to take some time." Nell said.

Callen spoke next. "Okay maybe we should sit back, wait for him to leave then follow him." I stayed silent. There was no way I was sitting in a car and waiting for the sun to go down. "Got it Kensi?" I remained silent as I pulled in.

"You stay Callen but I am going in to talk to him." I jumped out of my vehicle while putting a comm in my right ear.

"Damnit Kensi STAND DOWN! That is an order!" Callen yelled.

I relaxed my shoulders and put on a smile and walked up to the front desk. "Hello, I am here to speak with Jack Simon." I say sickly sweet.

"Do you have an appointment?" the man asked not bothering to look up. I roll my eyes.

"Well," I touch his shoulder and toss my hair as he looks up. "Not exactly but it is urgent." I say in a low seductive voice.

I had the poor man drooling, _pathetic_. "Right through there ma'am." He pointed down the hall.

Without another word or glance I stalked toward Jack's office. Once again I feel that deep seated rage settle over me.

_Don't do anything stupid Kens. _Sam chides in my ear.

I do not knock; instead I push the door open and see Jack sitting at his desk riffling through a drawer. "Jack Simon." I growl as I shut the door and turning the lock.

He looks up and smiles, but I can see the menacing light in his eyes, the smile that is covering a sneer. "Kensi Blye, wow it has been too long. You still look good."

"Cut the bullshit Simon where is he." I spit.

"Where is who?"

"Stop playing dumb! Your blood was at the crime scene! Where is Marty." I yell, my fists are clenched at my side.

"Someplace where you will never find him, at least not before it is too late," he drops the smile and gives me a cold, dead look.

_Oh you idiot that wasn't the smart thing to say. _I hear Hetty say. Even I have to do a double take at her words that are spoken very seriously.

_Hetty?_

_ Wow I wasn't the only one to hear that right?!_ Nell and Eric say at the same time. But it is all background noise as Jack walks to stand before me, but I remain rooted on the spot as eight feet separated me from the man who took Marty from me.

"Come on, Marty? What kind of name is that? But what shocks me the most is that you fell for that guy, he looks like a fucking bum Kensi." Jack said oblivious to the conversation in my ear.

"Yes he does look like a bum, but more like Shaggy from Scooby Doo…"

_Does that make Monty Scrappy?_ Sam asks.

"But he is more of a man than you ever were. He loves me in a way you never did. He looks at me as though I am in the only woman in the world, whereas you… your eyes traveled to every tight skirt that walk by us, even after we were engaged!" I see the shocked look on his face. "Yea I saw, but I loved you so I ignored it. Marty has shown me what true love is."

"Oh please the man is a worthless cop, I am a Marine!" he bellowed but I didn't so much as flinch. "That cop doesn't love you! Nobody can love you! You are broken; you are damaged goods Kensi Blye."

_Oh I see a kick in the nuts in his near future._ Callen snickers.

"I used to think just that, but Marty showed me that no matter how damaged I was, that he would pick me up and hold me together. Where is he Jack?" he remained silent.

_Kensi…_

"WHERE IS HE!" I yell and in one quickly timed move a connect my fist to his nose and hear a satisfying crunch.

"Ah, Crazy bitch!"

_Not crazy just highly pissed off._

I aimed a kick to his midsection causing him to slump over. I grip his hair and pull his head up at a painful angle with an elbow digging into his back. "I swear to you Jack if you don't tell me where he is…"

"What, huh." He pushed me away from him but remained where she stood. "Why would I tell you where I hide his body?" I feel everything in me go cold. "That's right, I beat him till my knuckles bled." He held up hands showing off his bloody knuckles as if they were trophies.

_Mr. Hana please be on standby, Mr. Callen you are to remain in the car and follow if Jack leaves._

_ Got it._

_ Got it._

"You're lying." I whisper.

He laughs. "No sweetheart. I made him beg for death. But I will say this, with his dying breath he whispered you name."

And I broke, any form of restraints that I had ceased. I wanted the man before me dead. In a quick move I had my gun out and smacked it across his face sending him sprawling.

_Guys Kensi took out her gun._

_ Mr. Hana_

_ On it._

There must be a camera in his office, I think. But as I see Jack start to get up I kick him in the ribs. "Where is he!?"

No answer so I swing my Sig on the back of his head. Still no answer. I kick him again sending him rolling and facing the ceiling. I stand over him with every intention on pulling the trigger in cold blood.

"Kensi stop." Sam's voice is low and soft, basically he was walking on eggshells. "Put the gun down, he is not worth it. We will find Deeks, alive," he added forcibly. "But you can't find him if you are in jail."

I took a breath and closed my eyes. I knew Jack was lying, Deeks was alive, he had to be. Opening my eyes I had my gun to Sam before turning back around and landing a kick to his ribs before I lean over and grab his shirt and lift him from the ground partially.

"I will find him, and I hope next time you have a gun so I can shoot your worthless piece of shit ass." I brought my fist down on his jaw and watched as his head bounced off of the ground.

"Come one Hetty wants us at the boatshed." He leads me to my SRX and gets into the passenger seat without a word and leaves Callen behind to watch Jacks' movements. Not a word was spoken the entire trip as I thought about Jacks' words. _His body._

_NO!_ I yell at myself, he wasn't dead. I would know if he was dead.

* * *

Sam's P.O.V

Walking into Jack's office to see Kensi with a gun pointed at his head and the look of pure rage on her face sent a very unpleasant shiver down my spine. If what I had seen proved anything it is that Kensi will willingly kill in cold blood for the man she loves. And there is no doubt in my mind that he would do the same thing.

I looked over at her and could see the internal war she was waging with herself. Her hands gripped the wheel till her knuckles were white and her face was set in a deep scowl.

I always knew Kensi was a woman to fear but it was today where I saw the real her. The Kensi so desperate to find the man she loves, the Kensi who has no qualms about stepping outside the law, the Kensi that made Kick Ass Blye looked like a grain of sand in a hurricane.

And that is exactly what she was, a hurricane. A torrential downpour of emotions, winds pushing her forward and in the center calm controlled and collected. Dangerous. Deadly. Enough to make anyone unfortunate enough to find themselves in her path unprotected cower and whither. This Kensi had one goal and would do whatever, legal or illegal, to finish her self-imposed mission.


	7. I Miss You Kensi

**A/N: here we go again with another chapter. this chapter is showing the strength of Deeks' and Kensi's relationship. STAY TUNED for next chapter where we finally get the reunion of our favorite love birds, Jack better watch out.**

**I am also working on another story so stay tuned for that, may be up today or tomorrow.**

**Enjoy and i still do not own anything.**

**I Miss You Kensi**

Chapter 7

Kensi's P.O.V

The boat shed is quiet; Sam is outside talking to Callen about Jack and I am sitting on the worn brown leather couch with the box of letters sitting on the table. I haven't touched it, just stared at it. I am so lost in my thoughts I don't even register that Sam has sat next to me.

"Jack is at the hospital having his injuries cheeked. Callen will call when he leaves the hospital." I sat with my chin propped up on my hands still staring at the _Kensi_ in black sharpie in Deeks' writing. "Have you read anymore?" I shake my head.

"I can't even bring myself to open the box. I want to read them but reading them makes it real that he is not here." I looked over to the burly ex-Navy SEAL. "Sam could you hand me one, I can't…"

He placed a warm hand on my shoulder and with the other reached over a grabbed a letter from the beginning. He opened the envelope and handed me the folded letter. My hands were shaky as I unfolded the letter, the adrenaline from early has worn away completely leaving me exhausted.

"Kensi do you mind if I read it too?" I was silent and he took it the wrong way. "It's okay I don't…"

"No it's fine Sam." My voice was weak as I began to read.

_Kensi… oh Kensi, no one will ever understand how sorry I am that I had to leave. As soon as I come home to you I am signing those papers and we are telling the team about us. Although they probably will have some guesses during the duration that I am gone, because let us face it Fern you love waking up to this body every morning, remember I'm like 364 days of heaven…_

I can't stop the teary laugh that comes out, I hear Sam chuckle. "Did he ever really say that?" he said looking away from the letter.

"Yes he did, that was before we were together." I say turning back to the letter.

_Anyway, I haven't had any nightmares about Sidorov but I've only been gone three weeks, what about you? Are you nightmare free? The only nightmare I have had while here was about you… about you dying. God, I woke up from that dream and it took me several minutes to realize that it was a dream, it was so real. But then you know I have had other dreams, like us in the future with a couple kids and Monty Jr. running around. A small house, nothing to extravagant near the beach, I dream of all of this at night and in my waking hours. I love you so much Kensi. I wish I could write more but I have to sleep. _

_Good night Kensalina, I will be home soon, I promise._

_Love D_

Tears are openly streaming down my face as I fold the letter up and put it back in the box. Deftly I pick one towards the middle and open the envelope and continue reading with Sam reading over my shoulder.

_So I made it two and a half months without a nightmare. But last night… I would have given anything to have the nightmares I had after but this… this was so far worse….. you were in the chair, you were in my place… there was so much blood Kensi… what made it worse was that we didn't get to you in time, you were dead… I watched him put a clip of bullets into you. After I woke up I had this overwhelming urge to see you, so I went to the coffee shop you like and hoped that you would stop there that day. It probably not the smartest of ideas, but I needed to lay my own eyes on you to make sure that you were in fact alive._

_When I saw you with Monty I felt as though I could breathe again. But then I looked closer and I could tell you hadn't slept, if that massive coffee cup you hadn't purchased clued me in it was the dark circles under yours eyes. I'm so sorry baby, I really wish I was home with you right now._

_I will be home soon Fern I promise._

_ Love D_

I look up and can't help the sob that escapes me. "I miss him Sam." My breath became ragged and short. "Sam I can't… I can't breathe…. W-why can't I…why can't I breathe?!" I asked becoming increasingly panicked.

"You're having a panic attack, you have to calm down." He put a hand on my back and rubbed as I put my head between my knees and tried to calm my racing heart.

Several minutes later I had calmed down my and I could barely keep my eyes open. "Lie down, and sleep I will wake you up when Callen calls."

Normally I would protest but I was so emotionally and physically drained. And within seconds I fell into a restless, dreamless sleep.

* * *

Sam's P.O.V

Almost instantly Kensi was asleep, curled into a tight ball and a worried frown on her face. I sat on the love seat and stared at the box. Figuring that she didn't care if I read the last two with her she wouldn't object to me reading another one. It was rather interesting and heartwarming to see how deep in love these two were with each other.

I grabbed on from the end and opened it quietly.

_Five months I have been away. I haven't heard you say how much you love me in five months; I haven't touched you in five months. It has gotten to the point where I need a cold shower at least four times a day; I just can't get you out of my head when I am alone. Now I don't want you to think that it is distracting because when I step over my apartment threshold I lock you away momentarily but when I come back it is like a tsunami of sounds and images of the two of us together._

I look up towards the ceiling; of course I had to pick one where he talks like a teenage boy. I think. But all it shows is how devoted and in love with Kensi Deeks really is. So I continue reading.

_I really just want to lay next to you and wrap my arms around you and hold on. Ever since I left your side I have felt as though I am only a fraction of myself, my heart literally hurts because you are so close yet so far away. I miss running my hands through your soft hair, I miss that smell that is distinctly you; Sunshine and Gunpowder. I miss the way you hum in the shower and come out looking like a Greek Goddess. I miss us cooking dinner together or going to your mother's, I miss coming home after a tough case and just unwinding with a beer and movie on our couch._

_ But you know what I miss the most Princess? I miss how you love me, with all my faults and shortcomings and doubts. I miss you whispering it while you lose control while you are under me. I miss how I can make you beg for more, there is nothing more satisfying than reducing Badass Blye to a whimpering woman. I miss how you drag your nails down my back and beg me to go faster, how you whisper in my ear when you ask me to make you feel loved, make you feel like a woman. I know you think that you are just one of the guys but sometimes you need to feel like a woman and I will be eternally grateful to every deity out there that I am the one man who can make you feel like that. I miss hearing you scream my name in the throes of passion and the content smile on your face as you lazily kiss me and then lay in my arms._

_ I know things have not always been easy for you, but in an ever changing world one thing will always remain the same, I will always love you. I will always fight for you; I will always want to be the man who makes you feel like a woman who makes you feel alive and loved. I will always belong to you. My mind is yours, my body, yours, my soul, yours, my heart, yours. Everything I am and everything I will ever be is yours. And I know you can say the same. I promise you forever, I promise to never stop loving you even through the fights and the tough cases where one of us has to seduce a target, I will always love you Kensi, always, never, ever forget that._

_ Love M_

"Whoa," I whisper as I look up from the emotional letter and my eyes land on Kensi. Her face now smooth, the worry gone. She looks peaceful; she looks like a woman in love. This letter… what I started out thinking was written by a teenage boy turned out to be written about a man, a man I love.

In this letter I could almost hear him, his voice thick with emotion and love as he would look at her with a look of admiration and longing in his eyes. From the beginning I saw the way he would look at her. At first it was a look of want but slowly it morphed into longing until finally it settled on love.

At first Kensi kept up the façade of annoyance but I would always see her eyes linger on him for just a second longer than necessary. How her jaw would clench when he spoke of a beach bimbo. It wasn't just in the eyes I saw Kensi's love for the Shaggy detective but in her smile, her eyes, her posture and her words. Her words always laced with an undercurrent of truth and love.

And for the longest time they were afraid, personal demons from both of their pasts plaguing them. I started to wonder if they would ever get their act together. I thought I was watching them closely but obviously not closely enough because they have been happy together for a year, almost a year and a half if you counted the months Deeks has been away.

As I look back to somewhere in the fifth month I remember a memory that should have clued that they were closer than anyone had thought, but I guess I over looked the idea.

_I was walking back into the Mission after finishing up lunch early when nature called. The regular bathrooms were being serviced so I had to go to the gym locker rooms. But as I walked past the women's locker room I stopped dead when I heard a sob._

_ I looked around the empty gym and I crept quietly towards the door. What I saw broke my heart ten times over. Kensi was sitting by the sink with her face in her hands; her shoulders shook with her silent sobs. I wondered if there was news about Deeks, was he hurt. If not why was she crying? _

_ Another sob came from her small form. I was about to go when I felt a presence behind me. Hetty._

_ I turned around and looked down to the petite woman. She silently reprimanded me with her eyes and pointed towards the bullpen, signaling me to leave. As I walked through the gym doors I watched as Hetty walked into the bathroom. I could hear their murmurs but I left, I knew that Kensi abhorred people seeing her like this, with maybe the exception of Deeks._

_ Where was the Detective? He was needed here; he needed to be here for his partner. I thought to myself as I sat down and ignoring the fact that I still had to use the bathroom and started on my paperwork._

Looking back on that day I realized why; she was crying. She was like an addict going without their fix. Deeks was her drug and she had been deprived for five months that day. Five months without her partner, five months without the man she loved next to her.

My phone ringing shook me from my thoughts about the junior agents.

"Yea?"

"Sam, Jack just pulled into a warehouse. I had Nell and Eric run the address and the building belongs to Ramirez. I think I found Deeks."

"We're on our way." I hung up and looked to see two-toned eyes already looking at me.

"What are we waiting for Sam?" he voice was still husky from sleep but there was a fire in her eyes that burned brighter and hotter than the deepest pits of Hell


	8. Do You Fear Death?

**A/N: here we g, the reunion of our favorite lovebirds. enjoy still do not own anything.**

**Do You Fear Death?**

Chapter 8

Deeks' P.O.V

The next time I saw Jack he looked a little different, he had a broken nose with a bandaged and was holding his right side. I knew Kensi had found him and that they would be here soon so I remained silent. I didn't want to provoke him into drastic measures, I just had to sit and wait.

He walked into where he was keeping me a gun in his hand. I swallowed thickly as he just stood there, not talking, not looking at me. He stood before me for a whole twenty minutes before he talked.

"She is going to kill me." His voice was even with just a bit of resignation in the undercurrent. "A woman I once swore to love will put a bullet in me, for… for you…" he spat.

There was yelling and gunfire outside of the door. "Looks like she is coming for you Jack, a vengeful Kensi Marie Blye is a force to be reckoned with." I say with disdain, finally he looked up at me.

"DEEKS!"

"KENSI!" I yell through the pain of my fractured ribs.

Jack quickly moved to stand behind me and knelt down making me a human shield. "Time for Kensi to break for the final time."

More gunshots, more yelling, I could hear Sam and Callen yelling for a bus at their location; Kensi had been shot…

"No…" I whisper. Kensi was shot, no, no, no! "KENSI!"

Kensi's P.O.V

I pulled my SRX in behind Sam's challenger and moved around to the hatch, while Sam moved to his trunk to put on his protective gear. As I opened the back I pulled on my vest, took my side arm and strapped it to my upper thigh and grabbed my rifle. I didn't wait for Callen to give the orders I walked right by them and to the front of the warehouse.

I heard Callen and Sam shuffling to hurry and move. I knew I was breaking all kind of rules and protocols but I knew he was here, and I wasn't waiting another second. Pushing silently through the door I walked through the warehouse with quiet steps, barely aware that Sam and Callen were behind me.

To my right I saw a cartel member pop up and aim a gun but before his finger could even tense I put him on the ground.

One dead.

Sam went left Callen right and I went forward. Another thug, another on the ground.

Two dead.

Three dead.

"DEEKS!" I couldn't stop myself from yelling his name, I just wanted some bread crumb to follow, a crumb that would undoubtedly lead me to him and to Jack. "KENSI!" I spun towards his voice just in time to see another thug with a gun.

Four dead.

Five dead.

Then Callen came across my comm._ Kensi Ramirez is behind you!_

Spinning while pulling out my side arm I shot four bullets, all of them grouping at his heart.

Six Dead.

As he fell I became acutely aware of the pain in my shoulder. "All clear out here!" Sam called.

"Sam." I whispered as I fell to my knees with a grunt of pain, my left hand coming up to stem the bleeding in my shoulder.

"Shit. Eric we need a bus…. Kensi has been shot," he growled as he came to my side.

_Is she okay? _Nell asked.

"I am fine, it is a through and through….

"KENSI!"

I took my hand from my wound and picked my side arm back up and ran to where I heard his voice.

"NO!" I heard him yell.

"Come on come on come on…." I whisper getting frustrated when I couldn't pinpoint where his voice was coming from. "Eric I need a lay out of the building, his voice is muffled so he is in a room."

_Okay take a right then there is a door about 20 feet down the hallway._

_Ms. Blye_, Hetty's voice stopped me. _Please be careful._

I stood by the door, Sam and Callen behind me. With one final breath and one final shot of pain I pushed the door open and came face to face with Deeks and a gun to his head. "Drop the weapon Jack." I growled in a low threatening voice.

"Why would I do that? I know you are going to kill me, think of this has me giving you a parting gift."

"You heard her, drop the weapon." Callen said.

"Come on Jack be real man," I provoked. "Or are you scared of me? Do you fear death? You always were a bit slow, surprised they let you into the Marines." I watched as Jack became enraged. Good, for people tend to make mistakes when they are angry, but I had to be careful because they also became rash.

"Shut up bitch."

"I must say, the whole time we were together Jack you never could make me feel the way he makes me feel, especially in bed," I registered Deeks' smirk, something's never change. "He's definitely got you beat there."

As Jack yelled and pointed his gun at me, one shot rang through the warehouse. One single kill shot to the head, as the recoil from my Sig hit I dropped the gun as pain shot down my arm.

Seven dead.

One slightly beaten.

"Kensi…" he whispered. I had waited six months to hear him say my name, to see the way his lips moved as he said it.

Sam and Callen checked Jack then sat back and watched the reunion. I ran to where he was tied to a chair. I worked furiously, his eyes never left my face. when he was free I threw my arms around his neck and buried my head into his chest and cried. Sobs wracked my body, I forgot that Sam and Callen were there, I forgot that my comm was relaying my sobs to those in ops, I forgot the pain of the last six months, the anger when I found out he was missing. All that there was, was his arms finally around me and his hand stroking my hair as he whispered sweet nothings in my ears. I felt a few of his own tears land on my shoulder.

"I missed you Kensi."

"I missed you too," I cried. When I pulled back, the sobs were gone but tears silently flowed down my cheeks. I brought a hand up and ran my thumb through his stubble as my eyes roamed over his face drinking in every detail; to the tired look in his eyes to the small cut above his right eye.

"I heard you were shot through the door, and I…." I took a point from his book and brushed my lips to his, softly, and that effectively shut him up. As I began to pull away his hand gripped my neck softly and increased the pressure of his lips. He took advantage of my gasp to deepen the kiss further.

Finally we pulled away, our foreheads resting on each other's, breaths fanning each other's. His hands framed my face as he looked into my eyes. "I love you so much Kensi, I will not leave you again."

"I love you too," my hands fisted the material of his shirt, I held on as though I was afraid he was going to disappear on me. "Please don't ever leave me again, please." I begged.

"Come on Fern let's get checked out and head back to OSP, I have some papers to sign."

He gripped my hand and led me behind him to the waiting ambulance. With such a simple contact I felt my heart life with joy, happiness and love. This man, a man who I abhorred being my partner in the beginning was now a man I could never remember not loving, not feeling as though I had to be constantly on guard. His blue eyes were my solitude, his arms my safe place, his heart was my home and his love was my most cherished possession, a possession that I would hold on to for the rest of our lives.


	9. Do You Know?

**A/N: I know I know it has been awhile, but I am sort of hitting a massive road block with my writing and my drawing. But hopefully this will be the start of breaking down the block. However I am not happy with this chapter but please enjoy.**

**Do You Know?**

Chapter 9

Callen's P.O.V

Sam and I watched the reunion between the junior members, but once they started to kiss we both had to divert our eyes for it felt as though we were intruding on an intimate moment.

As I trailed behind them to the waiting ambulances I noticed that Deeks was slightly unsteady on his feet, Sam and Kensi noticed as well and we stood close to help the injured female agent catch him if he fell. But it wasn't only him who was to fall. I watched in horror as the Detective fell and smacked his head on the cold concrete floor.

Kensi in trying to catch him failed to remember that she was shot and still bleeding, so as she went to catch him pain clearly shot through her and she lost consciousness. I ran quickly and caught her easing her head down.

"Kensi?" I prod but there is no response. "Kensi come on wake up?" I hear Sam saying similar words as the medics rush over to us.

_Callen? What happened?"_ Nell's words rang in my ear through my comms.

"Deeks fainted, hit his head. When Kensi went to catch him, her GSW flared up, it is still bleeding and…" I look over at the medics attending Deeks and they are rushing and yelling. "Oh no…"

_Mr. Callen what is going on! _Hetty asked, my eyes were stuck on the bruises that were littered all over the Detectives body… and in my trance I only caught pieces of their rambling.

"Internal…. Broken…. He is coding… surgery… compressions…" Sam laid a hand on my shoulder and pointed over to Kensi who was being lifted onto a gurney and rushed to the hospital.

"I will go with Kens, are you good to stay here with Deeks?" he left and I watched in horror as the only man who was securely behind Kensi Blye's walls was dying… no wait that flat line meant he was dead…

* * *

Sam's P.O.V

I sat in the hospital waiting room while Kensi was in surgery to repair the damage the bullet did. I could not have been there for half an hour when a doctor came out. "You here for Ms. Blye?" I nod. "She is perfectly fine, she is still asleep but will wake up in an hour or two."

"Thank you." as the doctor turned to walk away I stopped him. "Can I see her?"

He nodded and pointed down a hallway and gave me her room number. Opening the door I was expecting a sleeping Kensi, giving me time to work out how I was going to tell her that Deeks was at the hospital. Callen called a few minutes before the doctor gave me news on Kensi. But everyone who knows her knows that Kensi Marie Blye is no ordinary human.

"Sam, where is Deeks?" I looked at her, and I wanted to tell her a convincing lie but before I could even open my mouth and form an excuse I saw the darkness and shadow over take her. "Is he alive?"

"Callen called a few minutes ago, he is in surgery, he has internal bleeding, broken ribs, broken fingers… he um… while.."

"Spit it out Sam!" she snapped, a dangerous fire burned in her eyes, marking the hurt behind the anger.

"His heart stopped at the warehouse then Callen said that they got it going again but it stopped again in the ambulance." Kensi's jaw clenched and I saw that she was fighting a losing battle with her tears.

"Sam can you call my mom, I do not have my phone, I left it in my car."

"Yea I will call her right now." I step out. I knew what she was doing, she had her phone, that woman goes nowhere without her phone, but she wanted a moment alone to absorb that Deeks might not make it. it takes three rings for Julia Feldman's soft mother voice to come across my speaker.

_Hello?"_

"Ms. Feldman, it is Sam, I work with your daughter."

_Oh yes, Marty and Kensi talk all about you and Callen. What can I do for you?"_

"You are aware that Deeks was undercover these past months?" I hear Kensi's mother sigh.

_Yes, she told…. Wait is there something wrong? Is Marty okay, is my daughter ok?_

It was my turn to sigh. "I cannot give you all of the details until the case is finalized, but a few days ago Deeks was kidnapped and tortured to… he was tortured to mentally torture Kensi. And Kensi took a bullet to the shoulder," I heard a fearful gasp. "She is fine, she is Wonder Woman."

_Ah I see Marty's nickname has rubbed off. So how is Marty?_

"It's not looking good. Kensi asked me to call you. Ms. Feldman your daughter needs you right now, the only people who can calm her is Deeks and you."

_I am on my way, but one last question…_

"of course."

_Do you know? _

There was only one thing that she could be referring to. "Yes we know, we found a box full of letters to her, and a um… a ring." With that Kensi's mother hung up the phone. I looked at the lock screen of my phone then back through the Kensi's room window, and I saw the tears flowing freely and then a sob wracked her body as her hand shot up to cover her mouth in anguish.

Looking at her an idea formed in my mind and I dialed Nell's number.

_Sam, is Kensi alright?_

"Yea physically she is okay. But mentally is up in the air until we know if Deeks is okay."

_I can't believe this, she just found him only to be on the brink of losing him for good this time._ Nell's voice is quiet and filled with emotion.

"Well that is why I am calling. I need you to stop off at the boatshed and pick up the box of letters and bring them to the hospital. Kensi needs hope, and these might help." I say still watching Kensi sob freely, thinking that no one was watching.

_I will head that way right now. Bye Sam._

"Bye," I said then hung up. I knew that Kensi wouldn't want me to see her in this state but I couldn't help myself from walking in and sitting on the edge of her bed. "Your mother is on her way and Nell is too, with the letters that Deeks wrote." The sobs had ceased but her eyes were vacant as she stared at the opposite wall. I didn't know if she even knew that I was there until I spoke again. "Kensi he is going to be okay, that man would never leave you, he loves you to much."

Another sob escaped her lips and she buried her head in my chest and spoke. "I hope not, I fear another heartbreak will be to much Sam."


	10. Feel Something Kensi!

**A/N: okay just a heads up that should have been indicated in last chapter, I am no doctor so I have no idea if my medical speak makes sense, but I tried my best. I like this chapter, and it seems that my writers' block is slowly but surly lifting. I would like to finish this story before moving on to my other two stories, and please if you feel like it go check them out (one is a supernatural one and I know that that is not everyone's cup of tea but I would like to think that it is good.) sorry about the long note, please enjoy, drop a nice lovely review. Still do not own anything.**

**Feel Something Kensi**

Chapter 10

Nell's P.O.V

"Bye Sam." I say as I quickly stand shocking Eric from his reverie.

"Where are you going? Are they okay?" I sigh and look down at the phone I am clutching in my hand.

"Kensi is awake and physically okay, but Deeks is still in surgery. Sam thinks that Deeks' letter will help her cope until there is news." I don't wait for Eric's reply as I quickly leave OPS and head to my car.

What is normally a ten minute drive felt like hours today. None of what was happening seemed real. Listening as Kensi embraced Deeks when she had found him, then listening as she screamed his name as he lost consciousness, none of it seemed real, I was waiting to wake up, walk in to the bullpen and see them bantering, but I knew that was not the way it was.

I pull into the boatshed and walk inside and my eyes lock onto the box of letters. I sat on the couch and ran my hand over the lid with **Kensi** written in Deeks writing. I want to read one, but I already feel guilty about the one that me and Eric read in OPS without Kensi's permission. So I set aside my curiosity and head to the hospital.

When I get to Kensi's room I see Sam sitting outside, his arms crossed and a deep sadness in his posture. "Sam is she okay?" he turns to me and looks at the box clutched protectively in my arms.

"She hasn't moved, for the past hour, since I called you." I look into her room and see Kensi, propped up on her pillows staring blankly at the wall, I could almost see that the gears in her head had stopped, normally the female agent had a fire burning in her eyes, a softness that only a select few had the pleasure of seeing, but now… now she just seemed emotionless, she seemed as though she had given up.

"How is my daughter?" Ms. Feldman walked up beside me and looked at her daughter. "Oh dear." Her hand covered her mouth as she walked into the room.

"I know you asked me to bring the letters Sam but I don't think she will wake up from this trance long enough to read them." I say softly.

"Then read them to her, either you or Julia, but she needs to hear his words Nell, she needs to feel something." Sam's words were true and full of angry sadness. I nod and head into the room with Sam behind me. As we take our seats Callen walks in.

Kensi's head moves to Callen," There is still no news, could be a few hours." And just like that she goes back to staring at the wall blankly.

"Kensi sweetie?" Julia tried but Kensi shook her head as a few tears fell.

So I tried. "Kensi do you want me to read one of the letters?" her head shot over to me and she looked from me to the box then back up to me. She nodded, "Yes please." Her voice was raspy from nonuse.

"Okay, from the beginning, middle or end?" I ask trying to pry more words out of her.

"The end?" she asked hesitantly.

"Okay," I smile at her; I feel everyone's eyes on me as I pick one of the last letters, open it and begin reading.

_Dear Fern,_

_ I know I have said this in, Every. Single. Letter. But I miss you, more than I can put into words. You have no idea… well that may not be right, you know exactly how much I want to touch you, to hold you, kiss you, because you feel these too, or at least I would like to think that you do. You know I never thought that I would love someone as much as I do you, before we were together I always thought of myself unworthy of your love, so I kept quiet but that night, when you were so jealous of Talia… for no reason mind you :) I knew that even if am not worthy of such a beautiful strong, amazing woman I would spend every waking moment proving myself. _

_ I need you to know, that even if I never come home, that I had/have every intention of marrying you, I want you to be Mrs. Deeks, I want you to be completely mine because I have been yours since we met…_

"I have always been his." Kensi whispered, we waited for her to say more but she was staring at the paper in my hand waiting for me to continue, so I did.

_And let me tell you this Fern, a jealous Kensi Marie Blye is hot, but it showed me how much you loved me, but since the day we met there was no other woman, I may have talked a big game with everyone but honestly I stopped the one night stands and relationships when I saw you in that MMA gym. There was just something about you, you drew me in as Tracey then I became enraptured when I saw the real you, tough as nails Agent Blye sent my pulse racing and my heart stopped; even looking at another woman felt like cheating on you, even if we were not together._

_ And now I am sitting in my empty apartment imagining you in my bed wrapped in my LAPD shirt with Monty at the foot of our bed, and damn if that isn't a beautiful image, almost a beautiful as you fluster and begging me…_

I stop reading and look up, everyone including Kensi has a smile on their face. "I think I am just going to skip this part," I look down and skim the words. "Because that man goes into detail…" I look up at Kensi and see a smile on her face that lit up her polychrome eyes. "Very, very detailed."

"Even when he is not there he can still make you smile sweetie." Julia said as she cupped her daughters' cheek, I hoped that this was enough to keep her out of the trance, because that just wasn't Kensi. "He will be fine, he has you to come back to, and you are the love of his life." Julia said softly, wiping a few stray tears that fell down the female agents cheeks.

"Your mother is right," I say, as Eric walks in silently and sits beside me. "Deeks loves you, and I know that you love him, you two would fight through hell to find your way back to each other."

Kensi turns her polychrome eyes on me and I squirm slightly in my seat, because the gears are back to turning, she no longer looks vacant, lost. "You are right," she finally says. "I just… I can't lose him guys; I can't take another loss like this.'"

"Well it is a good thing you will not have to Ms. Blye." A female doctor walks in, her graying hair held tightly but a hair tie. Her grey eyes gave way to years of good times and hard times. "Mr. Deeks has made it through surgery; however whether he will wake up is still up in the air, for he is suffering from a severe concussion that paired with the hits to the head that Mr. Deeks suffered caused swelling in the brain."

"He might not wake up," Kensi whispered. This was good news mixed in thoroughly with bad news. It seems that Fate was not done with messing with Kensi and Deeks' relationship.

I may just be an analyst but I know that Kensi Blye and Marty Deeks deserve their happy ending and it just seems that obstacle after obstacle lands unceremoniously in their path disrupting what has the potential to become a beautiful love story. So I sit in silence as Kensi looks at each of us, hoping and praying that we will tell her that this was a joke, that it was a dream and that she was going to wake up and be lying in bed with her head on his chest, listening to his heartbeat. When she realized that this was her reality she broke temporarily.

In an instant her mother had her arms securely around her daughter tucking her head under her chin. Kensi buried her face in her mother's neck and clenched the fabric of her shirt as she let go. For once Kensi wasn't afraid to let her emotions show, but that was only because nothing, not even her father's death I am guessing, was this earth crushing. And I know how much Kensi loved her father, but the love of a father and the love of a man are two different things, and bring on two different kinds of pain. And no one should have to endure both, but here we were, watching a woman who has been strong for far to long, it was time for her to be happy.

"It's alright Kens, he will wake up." Julia whispered rocking gently back and forth. "He will wake up…He will wake up… he is in love with you. he will not leave." Over and over again she repeated the mantra and eventual Kensi fell asleep, more because of her pain medication than actual drowsiness.

A silent sadness envelops everyone as we watch her chest rise and fall. I know they all feel it, because I feel it too; if Marty Deeks didn't wake up, the Kensi Blye we knew would cease to exist. Eric thought that she would end her pain completely, me however, I think that she will be consumed by some emotion close to anger. She will shut herself out, leave NCIS and become a ghost, wanting us to leave her in her own misery, drowning her sorrows in a bottle…

But I don't think that even Hetty could tell you what would happen to the female agent if she lost another part of herself.


	11. Please, Marty, Please!

**A/N:I know my updates are scattered but i promise I will try to be better lol. so here is the new chapter, not my best work but it is mostly a filler chapter. Enjoy and leave a nice little review.**

**Please, Marty, Please!**

Chapter 11

_Dear Fern,_

_ I know I have said this in, Every. Single. Letter. But I miss you, more than I can put into words. You have no idea… well that may not be right, you know exactly how much I want to touch you, to hold you, kiss you, because you feel these too, or at least I would like to think that you do. You know I never thought that I would love someone as much as I do you, before we were together I always thought of myself unworthy of your love, so I kept quiet but that night, when you were so jealous of Talia… for no reason mind you :) I knew that even if am not worthy of such a beautiful strong, amazing woman I would spend every waking moment proving myself. _

_ I need you to know, that even if I never come home, that I had/have every intention of marrying you, I want you to be Mrs. Deeks, I want you to be completely mine because I have been yours since we met…_

"I have always been his." I whispered. Then go back to listening to Nell's voice relaying Marty's words.

_And let me tell you this Fern, a jealous Kensi Marie Blye is hot, but it showed me how much you loved me, but since the day we met there was no other woman, I may have talked a big game with everyone but honestly I stopped the one night stands and relationships when I saw you in that MMA gym. There was just something about you, you drew me in as Tracey then I became enraptured when I saw the real you, tough as nails Agent Blye sent my pulse racing and my heart stopped; even looking at another woman felt like cheating on you, even if we were not together._

_ And now I am sitting in my empty apartment imagining you in my bed wrapped in my LAPD shirt with Monty at the foot of our bed, and damn if that isn't a beautiful image, almost a beautiful as you fluster and begging me…_

A smile touched my lips when Nell stopped reading and said that she was going to stop reading. Listening to everyone laughing made my mind kick start, but the doctors words rang in my ears as I clung to my mother and cried. _He might not wake up. He might not wake up. He might not…_

_When I open my eyes I am standing on a beach, looking out over the ocean. The breeze is warm and comforting on my face, the sun was setting and there wasn't a cloud in sight. A sense of happiness is settled over me and a smile that rivals the sun lights my face. My eyes are diverted from the horizon by the sight of Marty Deeks walking along the shore line, towards me. _

_ All the sadness and lonely nights of the last six months were immediately forgotten and that happy feeling suddenly turns to a feeling of euphoria, my heart picks up speed at the sight of his shirtless torso. _

_ I want to walk towards him but I am frozen on the spot, but Marty seems oblivious to my struggles. However nothing I do brings me any closer, I have to wait for him to make his way to me, and damnit it, it is not fast enough. So I go to speak but that to fails me… something isn't right._

_ A deep foreboding sense of dread engulfs me as I feel a presence behind me. With a gust of wind I can smell Jack's favorite cologne, even after all these years the man never changed._

_ "I made him beg for death. But I will say this, with his dying breath he whispered you name." Jack whispered in my ear, Marty still seemed oblivious to the fact that Jack was behind me. "I beat him till my knuckles bled."_

_ I vehemently shook my head, he was lying, I had already heard all of these words, Deeks was okay, he might not wake up, but I knew that he wasn't dead. I bout of sickness built up as I felt Jack put his hands on my hips and push himself flush to my back. _

_ "Watch as your beloved falls before you and you cannot do a thing about it. Again. Think about it he is me, he is broken and you can't fix him, just like you couldn't fix me. You are not enough Kensi, he will leave you just like I did, how can someone love someone who is broken. You are broken Kensi Marie Blye."_

_ Finally I could use my vocal cords! "No, I don't try to fix him. I love him how he is…"_

_ "He will leave you!" Jack yelled in my ear, making me cringe. _

_ "No he won't, he loves me." I whisper, the wind about carrying my voice away._

_ "If he loves you then why does he not see me? Why is he on his knees before another woman…"_

_ I was so absorbed in arguing with Jack and trying to get my body to listen to my body that is didn't notice that Jack was right, Deeks was embracing another woman and I felt my blood run ice cold. "No," I whispered. After everything why was this happening… "NO!" I yell, forgetting Jack and his wandering hands. "Deeks! Please Marty please!" I cry not wanting to see him embrace another woman…_

"Kensi wake up."

_Oh great now he is kissing her. I could literally feel my heart breaking to a thousand little unrecognizable pieces. "No," I whisper in a broken voice. "Please god no. Marty please listen to me!" I yell again. I feel my body shaking, as anger envelops me, I feel myself fall away to the point that that anger is the only thing I feel. "Deeks!"_

"Kensi wake up! It is just a dream!" I bolt straight up in my hospital bed and feel a sharp pain in my shoulder. "Shit, you tore your stitches. Nurse!" I have no clue who is talking to me as I stare at my hands as I try to calm my ragged breathing. My heart is uncontrollable, my mind clouded by feelings the dream induced.

"Kensi it was just a dream." I look into my mother's eyes, then to everyone else. My whole team in standing in my room, great just what I needed, everyone to see my break down multiple times in one day just because of Marty…

"I know, how long was I out?" I ask as the nurse checks my stitches.

"About five hours." Sam says.

I look to the nurse with question. "You didn't tear your stitches just pulled them a bit." She smiled kindly.

"When can I leave?"

"Not for a couple more hours."

I glare at her and watch her shrink back slightly. "Can I at least go see my Fiancé?" techniquly Deeks wasn't my fiancé but I figured it was the best way to see him.

"What is his name?" the nurse asked me after realizing that I was not taking no for an answer, not with this.

"Marty Deeks, he's an LAPD officer." My voice cracked. I need to see him, to touch him. I need to lay my own eyes on him to know that he is really alive.

**A/N: I was just wondering if any of my lovely readers would like to see Talia in future chapters?**


	12. A Woman in Love

**A/N: I know I know it has been too long, but this writers block is not lessening up but I think I see the light at the end of the tunnel, ideas are forming and coming. So here were are, a look into the very beginning of Kensi and Deeks. If any of you have ideas as to where you think this story should go then please do not hesitate to message me with said ideas.**

**A Woman in Love**

Chapter 12

Julia's P.O.V

Kensi has been sleeping for the past five hours, conversation between me and the team flowed easily and lightly. No one spoke about the massive elephant in the room, no one spoke about the crease in between Kensi's brow, or how every now and then she would mumble something that I couldn't make out.

"So Julia how did Kensi and Deeks tell you they were together?" Nell asked. The little pixie was always curious about my daughters relationship with her partner.

"Well, they came over one day, I had invited Kensi over so I wasn't expecting Marty to be there." I chuckle slightly. "He was so nervous, he kept fidgeting and running his hands through his hair. She told me after dinner, and I had never seen Marty so scared."

The team laughed. "It is a shame you all had to find out this way," Hetty spoke. "But it was never my secret to share, and her and Mr. Deeks just kept putting it off."

"I guess none of us should be surprised that you knew all along." Callen laughed.

"True Mr. Callen, however they came to me in the very beginning of their relationship to ask my permission, they were both prepared to give up the job for each other…" then Hetty proceeded to tell me and Kensi's team about the day their lives changed….

_Hetty's P.O.V_

_ I look up from my paper work and see my two youngest team members walk up to my desk, their shoulders bumping with every other step. I noticed how the distance that Kensi usually kept between herself and the Detective was gone, non-existent and there was a light in their eyes, a weight gone from their shoulders._

_ "Hetty, can we speak to you for a moment?" Kensi asked, her voice was strong, but there was a touch of fear in her eyes._

_ "Of course my dear," I motion that they should sit. "Would you like some tea?" I am nothing but polite to my guests_

_They shook their head. It appeared that neither one of them wanted to start the proceedings so I gave a gentle nudge. "Is there something that you two wished to speak to me about?"_

"_Yes, Hetty… we uh…. You see…" Deeks fumbled with his words. I watched a small smile play on Kensi's face as she grabbed the Detectives hands and intertwined their fingers._

"_Hetty we decided that we are tired of not taking what we want, and we want each other." I stare at the two of them pondering my agents words and decided the next coarse of action._

"_Look Hetty, if you tell us that we can't be together because of regulations one of us will quit, and it be me…"_

"_No, it will be both of us," Kensi interjected. _

"_Kens, no…"_

"_Stop Deeks, you don't want to go back to LAPD and I do not want another partner. We already talked about this, remember, You jump, I jump."_

"_We are in this together." The both turn their eyes to me, filled with tethered hope. I could tell that neither of them wished to quit their jobs but if it came down to them choosing, they were choosing each other._

"_Look it will not affect our job, I promise." Kensi whispered._

"_There is no need to fret my dear, I know that it will not, you are both professionals, I have no qualms about the two of you together, why do you think I partnered you two?" _

_Deeks laughs nervously, and Kensi tilts her head with a look of questioning. I cannot help but to smile widely at the two of them. _

"_Just remember, not only the life of your partner is on the line but Sam and Callen's as well. Be careful." And with that I looked back down to my paper work, ending the conversation_

Julia's P.O.V

I watched as the whole team… Kensi's family smile and nod their heads. "They were both so afraid," I say quietly. "I know Kensi will hate me saying this, but before they were together she would come over, and verbally barf all over me…" everyone chuckles. I reach up and brush a strand of errant hair out of her eyes. "From the moment I saw Marty I knew," I could feel the whole teams eyes on me, wanting a deeper insight into the woman who is Kensi's mother. "I knew he loved her. Then after Kensi found her fathers' murderer she came to my doorstep, with Marty in tow…."

"She always said she went alone…" Nell spoke up.

"That is my daughter for you. So much like her father, closed up behind walls. She loved him but wasn't ready to admit it to herself. Then one day she came over and she spilled her guts…"

_Someone was knocking on my door…. At midnight…. What in the name…. I rolled over and grabbed my robe and quickly made my way to the door. Looking through the window I saw Kensi, still in her night clothes. I yank the door open and met with a cold gust of wind and a shivering daughter. "Kensi what…" Kensi said nothing as she threw her arms around me and I felt her silent tears fall on my shoulder. "What happened?" I whisper. _

_ "Callen and Sam almost died today in sub…" she pulled back but I could see that that wasn't what had her at my doorstep at midnight._

_ "But that isn't why you are here is it?"_

_ "You are the only one I can talk to about this…" she took a shaky breath as a chill ran down her body._

_ "Come inside, no need to catch a cold sweetheart." I guide her to the couch as I prepare her some hot chocolate, a childhood favorite of hers that she still harbors._

_ "thank you," she whispers as she sips at the warm liquid with her eyes closed. I can tell that she is reliving what every horrors that she saw today._

_ "It is about Deeks…"_

_ "I would have guessed." I smile as her head snaps in my direction._

_ "How?"_

_ "Only Marty can make you forgo your precious sleep, plus you have that look." She looks at me like I grew another head._

_ "What look?" I smile._

_ "The look of a woman in love." It wasn't the first time I have said something like this and every single time Kensi brushed it off. I stopped implying it when she got back from her classified mission but I knew that this was the right moment to bring it up again._

_ She looked at the mug in her hands and I expected her to shoot it down yet again but this time, this time she was ready._

_ "What does it matter," she shrugged her shoulders. "He made it perfectly clear that all we will ever be is partners…" I could see her get lost in another memory. "Stupid raccoons, knives and boxes…" she mumbled._

_ She took a deep breath and spoke. "I love him, that one night before I got shipped off was the only thing that got me through those five months and the t..the torture… then I get back and he… he wants nothing to do with me. Our Friday nights have ceased, no more carpooling to work, early morning workouts, even him bringing donuts in the mornings have stopped." She sets her mug down and runs her hand through her hair, a nervous tick from Marty I gather. "He spent years tearing down those damn walls I had around my heart and just when I am ready her puts his own up, like what the hell!" she yells as she gets up and begins pacing in front of the empty fire place._

_ I sit silently as my daughter rambles something she never did when she was young, something else she undoubtedly picked up from Marty._

_ "Now I am the one pushing and he is pulling away. he told me before I left when we were together…" she paused, a flush touching her cheeks. "That he was falling love with me and now… now I feel so powerless and I don't like it at all. then Talia comes along…" I have never heard Kensi say someone's name with such venom and jealously. "I know how he feels about me but…." She stops talking and pacing staring at the silent fireplace._

_ "But what, Kens?"_

_ "It would be easier if he chose her, because she won't shut him out, she won't punch him when he calls her beautiful…." She whispers. "She isn't broken," a tear falls, "There wouldn't be the fear one of them would be shipped of because they are together," a sob, "No past demons of fiancés leaving on Christmas morning," hand over the mouth, "no fear of the future," knees his the ground, "No troubles…"_

_ The tears have stopped and Kensi is on her knees so I get up and kneel in front of her and cup her face in my hands._

_ "Alright Kensi, listen to me carefully, that man loves you with everything he has, and I know you love him just as much correct?" she nods. "Okay, he loves you because you are broken, he loves you because of how strong you are, you may fear he future but I know he wants to be the one to prove you wrong because he loves you." my voice is firm and unwavering, sometimes my daughter was to hard headed for her own good. "I want to hear you say it. Tell me." I demanded._

_ She looks at me for a minute her breathing was deep her eyes full of fear but defeat. "Say it Kensi." I whisper._

_ "I am in love with him," she states strongly, then her eyes glaze as she looses herself in her spoken thoughts. "I have always loved him, since I saw him at that MMA gym. I denied it for so long, then when he asked me out without actually asking me out on the date I was so… angry and frustrated. Then he said what he meant and that night…." She smiles a private smile as a blush rises and she touches her lips lightly. "That night meant so much to me, he made me feel so alive so loved…like a woman again." She whispers. "God, what is he doing to me?"_

_ "Well it seems he made you fall in love with him, and you made him fall in love with you. perhaps you should take what is yours._

"Wow those two are thick headed." Sam's wife whispered.

"Yes they were."

"Do you have any other stories?" Nell asked, I looked over with a smile. "It is just that, you knew, basically from the beginning, for a year, we have been in the dark about all of this."

"I think I can speak for all of us that we are curious." Callen stated.

"I do…" as I began to speak Kensi threw her head to the side violently, her breath hitching, and her fist clenches in the sheets.

"NO!" Kensi yells, her eyes squeezed tight, the mood in the room darkened as everyone's body went rigid. "Deeks! Please Marty please!"

I stand up and place a hand on her uninjured shoulder. "Kensi, wake up."

"No," my daughters voice is so broken in that one word, I hate to think about what she is dreaming, nothing good.

"Please god no." she begged. "Marty please listen to me!" Kensi yells again in desperation, I shake her to try and wake her up.

"Come one Kensi wake up"

"Deeks!" this time her voice was laced with anger.

"Kensi come on wake up! It is just a dream."

She bolted straight up in bed and cringed in pain. "Shit you tore your stitches." Callen says as he bolts out of the room to get a nurse.

As the nurse is checking her over she asks if she could see her fiancé, though really only her boyfriend for the time being but I knew that saying that was her best shot to see him. The nurse looked reluctant so I spoke up.

"Look if you tell her no she is just going to go there anyway." I say, then Sam jumps in.

" Learn from our experience, you cannot those two apart, they always find way."

"We always do," Kensi says mostly to herself. "Please, I need to see him, I haven't him in six months."

"Alright, alright, but on one condition, you have to take a wheelchair." I can see everyone looking at the nurse as if she were nuts because Kensi Blye does not show weakness.

"Fine just get the damn thing." All eyes turn to Kensi but she is staring daggers at the nurse who nods and leaves.


	13. Fragile Hearts

**A/N: so this chapter flowed so easily and quickly that it is quite long. And I absolutely love it! I'm not sure how many more chapters will be left but it will be quite a few. **

**As for bringing in Talia, I have gotten a mixed review, some say no some say yes. But my thing is I wouldn't bring her in to mess with Deeks and Kensi but as a friend to them, perhaps another look back at how Kensi put her in her place and the budding friendship with her when Talia realized that she had no shot. Tell me what you think, Yes, no?**

**By the way I couldn't help but throw in a bit of Nallen in this chapter.**

**Fragile Hearts**

Chapter 13

Nell's P.O.V

We all follow silently behind the nurse who is pushing Kensi's chair down a few halls to Deeks' room. I keep my eyes on her fidgeting form, her face still pale from stress and blood loss. Her chest is heaving with anticipation. When we get to the room Callen, Sam, Julia, Eric and myself stand by a window that is looking into Deeks' room. Hetty left with a claim that she had to update Granger, and Michelle had left to fetch lunch… well dinner by now.

"I'm fine from here, thank you." Kensi's voice left no room for argument, the nurse nodded with a kind smile and left. Kensi stood up and made her way to the door, her eyes never opening, it was like she was scared that if she opened her eyes this would all be real. She stood there with her hand on the door for several minutes.

I look down at the box clenched in my arms then back up at her face. "Here." I walk over and gently place the box of letters in her other hand. "Maybe these will help, like they did earlier." Her jaw clenches as she looks over at me.

"Thank you." her smile is tight and doesn't reach her eyes. and with that she pushes her way into his room.

We all watch through the window as Kensi sets the box on his bedside table before going to stand by him. She runs her fingers over the bruises on his face before cupping his face in both of her hands and leaning down kissing his lips softly. The rest of the team looks away but my eyes are glued to the scene unfolding in front of me, as are Julia's. Kensi pulls away just slightly and whispers something, before sitting down and resting her head on his upper arm.

_Any form of contact was always enough for those two._ I think.

"She hated not telling you," Julia speaks softly. I look around noticing that me and Julia are the only ones still standing, the others were down a ways in the waiting room, giving Kensi some time alone.

"What are you talking about?" I ask innocently, perhaps too much so.

I see Julia smile out of the corner of my eye. "You are hurt that she did not tell you about her and Marty." I open my mouth to argue but she shakes her head. "It is understandable, and you have every reason to be hurt. But you know Kensi, you know that she has lost many people in her life."

"Yes," I concede. "I can understand that she would want no one to know so that she could cherish it." I am no longer looking at Kensi but over at G.

"Kensi always said that she feared telling people because that meant that it had the potential to be ripped from her, much like why you are keeping your feelings for a certain blue eyes agent a secret." My head whips so fast I swear I feel my brain move around.

"What?" she merely raises an eyebrow at me then looks over at Callen

"Nell, with Kensi as my daughter I tend to learn when people are in love, you give G Callen the same looks that Kensi and Marty gave each other before they were together. It is a look of longing, of want but fear." I sigh as I look back to Kensi and Deeks.

Kensi has picked her head up and is running her hand through his shaggy hair. "I'm scared that… that he will die in the field, or that its not reciprocated." I whisper my eyes glued on Deeks. I can't stop my brain from conjuring an image of Callen in that bed with the potential to never wake up.

"Kensi had the same fears, they were more prominent in the beginning."

"What happened?"

She smiled a small smile and dove into a memory…

Julia's P.O.V

_I was a dinner with Kensi, a weekly thing we had started, just the two of us. Usually the conversation flows easily, but tonight my daughter was silent, lost in the vastness that was her mind, and sometimes that could be dangerous._

_ "Sweetheart, what is wrong?" she looks up from her food. _

_ "I'm scared…" she said softly, I reach over and grab one of her hands. "Deeks and I have been together for a month…" she looks up at the ceiling. "I don't know I guess I am just waiting for something bad to happen"_

_ "Why does something bad have to happen, you are both young and in love." I smile, but the fear is still present in her eyes._

_ "Because something _**always**_ happens, every time that I am happy, or happy where my life is something bad happens." She runs a hand from the back of her neck to the front of her collarbone and groans._

_ "Have you talked to Marty about this?"_

_ She shakes her head. "No, he is so happy, that I would feel wrong popping his bubble." I can't stop the small chuckle at her words. "I'm scared that one day he will get sick of me and leave me… or that he will die in the field…" she shakes her head again and looks out the window to the setting sun, casting a warm glow on her, making her eyes shine._

_ "What if he is feeling the same way? What if he has these same fears that you have? What if he thinks that one day you will up and leave him for someone else…"_

_ "I would never." She states firmly, and angry glint in her eyes, not at me but at the thought._

_ "And he would never. Instead of talking to me about this, you should be talking to him. If you don't communicate these things then the relationship will most certainly fall apart. What then?"_

_ She is silent, not answering my question. "What. Then. Kensi." I ask softly._

_ "We fall apart. We can't even function at work when split up. We spend so much time worry about the other, and it reflects in our work. In our personal lives… I don't know… I don't want to think about it, because just the thought kills me." She smiles then. "God I love him so much mom, only he can make me feel this confused."_

_ "That's what love is Kensi. Most people who walk this earth are not as lucky as you and Marty, to find their other half. To find a man who loves their flaws, the habits…"_

_ Kensi picks up where I trailed off, listing things that Marty does for her. "He calls me beautiful even when I am sweaty from a workout, he um, he knows that Jack left without a word, so when he gets up early to go surfing he always leaves a note on his pillow, when I am hungry, he knows that I will not say anything so he has a stash of Twinkies in his desk and just tosses me one… what did I ever do to deserve a man like him?" _

_ I can't help but feel ecstatic that Kensi had such a wonderful man loving her. My daughter deserved her happy ending. The look that adorned her face was soft, devoted and just the look of a woman in love._

_ "You are right mom; I need to talk to him about this. Thank you."_

_ "Anything for you and Marty sweetheart."_

Nell's P.O.V

I continue to stare at Kensi and Deeks as I listen to Julia relay a moment from this mysterious relationship. When she finishes she remains silent and I can feel her eyes boring holes into to the side of my head. _Yup definitely Kensi's mother._

"I was hurt, but I can understand. About the fear… guess I am just not as brave as Kensi." My eyes move back over to Callen, who is in deep conversation with Sam.

"I am going to tell you the same thing I told Kensi when she admitted that she loved Marty… take what is yours, because that man in their most definitely wants you." with that she went into Deeks' room. Kensi's head shot up, tears threatening to fall, but I knew that Kensi wouldn't let them fall, in her mind she probably thinks she has shown to much today

Julia stands over her daughter and says something; Kensi nods her head and buries her head in her mother's shoulder.

I turn away and to the waiting area and sit alone away from the team thinking Julia's words over. _Take what is yours._

I'm so lost in my thoughts that I don't register that Callen sits down beside me until I feel his hand on my arm. I look up into his blue eyes and smile. "What did Julia say?"

_Take what is yours._

I look from G to Deeks' door then back to G. my mouth opens and closes a few times. But one look deep into his eyes and I see it… "To take what is mine." I say softly.

Kensi's P.O.V

I stand there with my hand on Marty's door for several minutes with my eyes closed. I knew that if I opened them then this would all become real…_He might not wake up… he might not wake up…. I could lose him forev… _"Here." Nell's soft voice forces my eyes open and those dangerous thoughts away, and she places the box with my name written on it in my hand. "They might help, like they did earlier." I clench my jaw in an attempt to keep my voice from breaking.

"Thank you." I smile tightly as I push open the door. I make my way slowly to his side, placing the box of letters on the table. My hand takes on a mind of its own as it raises up to touch the deep bruise forming on his cheek and forehead.

"Marty." I whisper as I cup his face gently. I graze his lips softly, but I can't help but linger, as I revel in the taste of him something I have missed for the past six months. I rub my thumbs through his scruffy cheek as I pull back. "Please, come back to me. I need you." I whisper, my lips grazing his with every word. "Please." I pull back and lean my head on his upper arm as a flash of pain radiates down my side, another painful reminder of what Deeks has been through.

I don't know how long I lay like that but my head snaps up and I see my mother entering the room. She moves to stand before me and moves a fallen hair behind my ear. "Are you alright sweetheart?" I nod. "He will wake up, I have faith in the love between you two." I nod again as a tear escapes I stand up and bury my face in her neck.

"I do too mom." I say as I pull away and square my shoulders, the pain flaring up again forcing me to sit. I reach over and grab his hand, with my other hand I rake my fingers through his hair, like I know he loves. "You have been telling the others about our relationship."

"Yes I have. They were curious, and I may have given your friend Nell a bit of advice." I see a knowing smile on my mother's face.

"It was about Callen wasn't it? what did you tell her?" I can't help but be curious.

"I told her the same thing I told you, to take what is hers."

"The best piece of advice I ever got." I look over at Deeks and tilt my head as I study his face.

"I am going to go see if Michelle has brought lunch." She drops a kiss on my head before exiting.

"I love you Marty. You need to wake up so that you can ask me to marry you, so that I can see those gorgeous eyes again, and that smirk that I love…" I look over at the box of letters. "I can't believe you wrote a letter almost every day." I say as I reach over and grab an envelope and open it.

_Fern_

_ Princess, sugarplum light of my life, I miss you. I miss Monty. I miss the beach. Hell I miss sleeping in. I can't wait till this is over and I get to hold you again. _

_ You have no idea how scared… no terrified that I am right now Kensi. Terrified that I won't make it through this assignment, that I won't make it back to you, but I am terrified that if something does happen to me I don't want you hate me. I don't want you to think that I am just another man to leave you, because that means that you would hate me. I know that you would hit me for even thinking of such a thing, but I can't help it, I need to know that you will love me even if I die in the field. _

_ If I wasn't selfish I would say move on, but we both know that I'm selfish when it comes to you and that you love with everything that you have, that is why you hide from your feelings, and that just makes all of this that much more beautiful, that you chose me. You chose me to show how much you have to give, how much love you have in your heart, and why you hid it behind all of those walls. I still sit in fascination to this day that a human being who has lost so much can love so deeply, and that you chose me… I can't get over that. All my life I was told I was never good enough, I was never someone's first choice, and when told me you would be willing to give up the badge, that I know you love, for me, I can't put into words how much that meant to me. _

_ You are the best thing to ever happen to me Kensi Marie Blye, and I have no intentions of sharing you. I love how when we go out into public, I can stake my claim on you, and make all the men who are openly ogling you, because what man in their right mind wouldn't, jealous. I know you do the same, we are both gorgeous people…. I love you. I am in love with you, always and forever._

_ Love M_

"You will be my first choice, always and forever Marty." I say softly as I lean up and kiss him again. "I will always choose you."

A few minutes later Michelle walks in with a sandwich. "How are you?" she asks as I take the sandwich.

"Better now that I can see him, can touch him." I say then take a bite, because god, I am really hungry.

"You know everyone is out there bombarding your mother with questions about you two." I laugh.

"They would not be them if they didn't do that. What about you, why are you not out there?" I ask as she looks to Deeks then back to me.

"Because, I know your story, to a degree, I have lived it. although Sam never wrote me a box of letters, no he made origami swans, said it made him think of me, and that helped ground him." A small private smile touches her lips.

"Is it worth it? the time spent away, the job, the pain, was it worth it?" I can't stop myself from asking, because Michelle is the only one who understands this on some level.

"I wouldn't change any of it for the world. Yes there are still hard times, but I love Sam. But I must say, I love Sam with everything I have, and it doesn't even come close to the way I know you feel about Deeks."

"What do you mean?" I ask turning my eyes to Deeks' pale face.

"You and Marty are a rare breed Kensi. Rough childhoods, adulthoods, jobs, and yet you love unconditionally, whole heartedly, with everything you have."

I chuckle. "You know in this letter," I hold up the paper. "Deeks said the same exact thing, that I love with everything in me. But loving someone like that is dangerous…"

"Which is precisely why people like you are so rare, now a days people fear love, they fear about losing themselves in a love for another."

"It is scary, that is why we held off for as long as we did, I feared that one day he would leave because I wasn't enough but…" I smile as I look back to Michelle. "But I know, I know deep down that he thinks the same about me…

_I get home from dinner with my mother with a need to talk to Deeks about my fears. I walk up to his door and raise my hand but before I can knock Deeks opens the door. "Kens?"_

_ "Where are you going?" I look at him dressed in his night clothes._

_ "I figured you were done with dinner with your mother so I thought I would surprise you and show up at your house." He says with a bright smile._

_ "Marty…" I whisper. "I need to talk to you." I can see a million and one thoughts shoot through his mind, settling on the worst scenarios. _

_ "You're not…."_

_ "No," I say quickly as I cup his face in my hands. "No Marty no, I would never… I just… things have been eating away at me and I need to talk to you before they grow out of control and drive us apart."_

_ "Come on, let us talk." His smile is back, but it is that soft intimate smile saved just for me. He leads me to the couch and sits down so that he is facing me with one leg curled under him and the other planted on the floor. I sit as close as I possibly can because I need to feel him here. i know it is childish but this man, this wonderful man gives me strength to do things like talk about my feelings. _

_ "What is eating at you Kensi?" his voice is soft, his hand plays with my hair, helping me relax. I look into his eyes and I see a sea of soft emotions, of love, and a bit of reverence. _

_ "I'm scared, before I start, I need you to know that I know you are_** nothing**_ like Jack okay." I implore._

_ "Okay."_

_ "This has nothing to do with him but my fears. I am terrified that one day you will wake up and realized that it is to hard for you to be with me, that I'm not enough," his hand still and I look down at my hands. "I'm scared that one day I will wake up alone, again. I have spent this past week just waiting for something to happen to drive you away or take you away, because every time I am happy, or loved something happens to take that happiness away._

_ And if you l… leave m-me I will fall apart, I need you Marty, like I need to breath. And I know that it sounds cliché but it is true. I let you in, in ways that no one, not even Jack, has seen. I fear that I am too broken for you to love me." My hand covers my mouth holding back a sob._

_ Deeks buries his hand in my hair and tilts my head up so that I am looking at him, before he starts talking. "I fear the same exact thing, that I am to broken for you to love. Kensi I love you more than life itself." He runs a thumb over my bottom lip lightly. "I am terrified that I am not enough. Perhaps because we have these same fears is what makes us, our partnership, our friendship and now our love so strong. Not even wild horses could drag me from your side. I know that down the line something will happen that you will push me away," I open my mouth to argue, but he kisses me to silence me. "Shh. It is your defense mechanism, to protect your fragile heart." His fingers ghost over the skin over my heart. _

_ "You have portrayed yourself as strong, and you are the strongest person I know, but your heart, is fragile. And I will always keep it safe, because you have entrusted it to me. You portray yourself as just one of the guys, but I want you to know Kensi, that you can be a woman with me, that you don't always have to be strong, because I am here to help you carry these burdens of your past." I kiss him gently lingering for a second before pulling back._

_ "Okay, but only if you do the same."_

_ "I am one hell of a lucky man."_

_ "And I am one hell of a lucky woman."_

I keep my eyes trained on Deeks as I tell Michelle of that night. "That night, our relationship became solid, unmovable." I whisper, I look over to Michelle who has tears in her eyes but they never fall.

"He will wake up Kensi."

"I know." I say. " I know."


	14. She's Fiercely Protective

**A/N: another long one, a small time jump, and do not worry our favorite LAPD liaison will be waking up very soon.**

**She's Fiercely Protective**

Chapter 14

_A week later…._

Kensi's P.O.V

It has been a week, I was released from the hospital two days ago but have only left for an hour each day to go home, shower change and then I find myself right back in the seat next to Marty.

I watch the team, and my mother conversing back and forth, my two families together in one room, here as silent support. I haven't read another letter, I can barely make myself look away long enough to read one anyway.

"Do you remember when Deeks came up with that one alias…? Sven." Nell laughs peaking my interest.

"Sven?" it is the first word I have spoken in a few hours and my voice is raspy.

"Yea it happened while you were…" Nell falters.

"Afghanistan, you can say it Nell, Marty helped me cope." My mom's hand rests on my back in comfort.

"Hey can I ask a question I know that all of us are dying to know about you two?" Nell asks timidly, I smile.

"You can ask me anything now that you know, it is my way to make up for keeping it from all of you."

"When did," she points between me and Deeks. "This happen?" I smile and look over at Deeks, I can't help but graze his cheek with my fingers.

"It was a year and six months ago. A few weeks after we rescued Callen and Sam…" I know that everyone is thinking the same thing, we came to close to losing a piece of our team. "It was after the case with the man with PTSD who shot a young girl," my voice is soft. "It seems that Marty took mom's advice before I did. He took what was his… me." I barely recognize my voice as I keep my eyes glue to Deeks' face. I do however, register Nell and Callen share a look. "I have always been his."

It was quiet for a few moments before Callen spoke up. "How did you hide this from us? You two never were very subtle about your Thing." He laughs.

I laugh with them and shake my head. "It was hard, really really hard. Do you know how many times you people almost walked in to the bullpen to get the shock of a lifetime? But what surprises me is that one day where you and Sam dropped by….

_"Hey Kens have you seen…." I'm standing in the doorway of my room in nothing but Deeks' LAPD shirt. _

_ "Have I seen what Deeks?" I tilt my head and bite my lip. He stands up and moves within an inch of me, his eyes roaming over my body._

_ In the beginning such a look made me feel uncomfortable but now, now it made me feel powerful… loved_

_ "My shirt." He tugs at the hem of the blue material, never touching me…. Cheeky bastard._

_ "Well Detective perhaps you should take it back."_

_ "Maybe I will do just that." He whispers as he leans in closer. Just as his lips touch mine my doorbell rings. I lean my head against Deeks chest listening to him chuckle. _

_ "Just ignore it." he whispers as he pushes me against the wall and attaches his lips to my pulse point, making my hands fly to his arms to keep me steady._

_ "Kensi! Come on answer the door, I know you are home!" Callen yells._

_ "Shit," I whisper at Deeks who backs away._

_ "Here, take this shirt and change quickly."_

_ I take off the LAPD shirt and throw it at Deeks face making him laugh quietly, I pull on a pair of sweats and push Deeks into the bathroom, holding a finger up to my smiling lips. "Shhh."_

_ "Kensi!" Sam yells. Great two of them are here._

_ I yank the door open, the anger on my face not an act. "What the hell are you guys doing?!" I yell right back. They look at me and tilt their heads._

_ "Are we interrupting something?" Callen asks hesitantly when he sees my hair and the fact that I am blocking them from entering._

_ "Maybe, what do you want?" I bite back._

_ "We are needed at work, and you were not answering your phone."_

_ "Work! It is Saturday!" I run my hand down my face._

_ "Is there a man in there?" Sam asks, clearly not able to hold back his curiosity. I glare at him, and he glares right back._

_ "Yes, and if you do not mind I would love to get back to what I was doing, I was thoroughly enjoying myself… need I continue telling you what your little sister does in her spare time." I bite._

_ "No no," they say at the same time throwing their hands up. "Just get to OSP in an hour will ya." Callen says and turns away when the door shuts in his face. I lean my back against the door. "Man Deeks is not going to be happy when he finds out about this."_

_ "Man today is going to be tense between those two." Sam says._

_ "When is it not?" then they are too far for me to hear._

_ With a smile I run back to my room where Deeks is hiding. "You can come out now. We have to go to work."_

_ "Aw man," he says as he comes out of the bathroom in nothing but a pair of basketball shorts. "I was looking forward to ravishing my girlfriend all day."_

_ "Well we still have tonight, then tomorrow is Sunday perhaps the case will be an easy one." I smile as I drag my hands down his chest._

_ Then his phone rings. "Damnit", he whispers as he answers. "Deeks." I run my hands back up his chest then back down, dragging my nails lightly, then dipping my fingers into his belt, and deftly undo it. "Oh god," he whispers.. "What? Nothing." He says into the phone, his voice a bit higher than normal. "Case… on Saturday?" I plant a kiss on his chest before kissing his jaw gently nipping him making him jump, "Hey!" he slips. "Nothing, Monty just bit me…" I pull back with a raised eye brow… did he just seriously call me Monty, he merely shrugs then swallows thickly and my mischievous smile._

_ I quickly latch my lips to his pulse point before moving to the corner of his mouth and flick out my tongue playfully. "Yeah no I will be there within the hour… by Sam" he quickly hangs up the phone. "You are going to be the death of me woman."_

"oh my god we thought you both were with a one night stand… we wondered why there was no tension between the two of you." Callen scratched the back of his head.

"How did we not pick that up?" Sam asks no one in particular.

"We had been together for six months at that point, we had gotten pretty good at covering our asses."

Eric was about to speak when the door to Deeks' room flew open. "Where is my Detective?" Bates growled. I moved to block Deeks from his view and Hetty stood before me.

"Bates, " Hetty's voice held a clear warning, but the man was to pig headed to heed it.

"Get out of my way woman," he maneuvers around Hetty and comes face to face with me, his face is set in a scowl, mine a glare. "Get out of my way." He growled.

"Why?" my voice was calm but laced with venom. "So that you can belittle him while he is in a comatose state and can't defend himself? No." I bite. "You took him away from me," I jab a finger in his chest, pushing him back slightly. "You took him away, for six months, you have no right to be here, I suggest you leave."

"Listen here, I do not take orders from you, that worthless cop," he points to Deeks, "belongs to me, not Hetty and not you. He is mine, and I will do what I see fit." I feel everyone's eyes bouncing between me and Bates.

I look down to the floor and shake my head and can't help the small humorless chuckle that escapes, this man, this arrogant man is trying to lay claim to Deeks, that was not acceptable. "He does not belong to you," I growl, if I were on the outside looking in I would be afraid, oh so very afraid. "You Bates are the only worthless cop I see. How many times have you sent Marty into an undercover op thinking you would never see him again? Remember 9 months ago when you sent him undercover as Max Gentry? Do you not remember how he begged you not to send him under as Max, he came back, back to me, but I was so close to losing him because of your stupidity. They beat him, he witnessed unspeakable things, and you didn't give a rats ass." I am now just inches from Bates, my glare making him shrink back. "So no, Marty Deeks does not belong to you."

Then it seems the man grows a pair, trying to keep some of his dignity. "So what he belongs to you?" he looks me up and down with a leer. "Has he fucked you yet? Deeks was pretty well known for sleeping with his female partners then getting them killed. You are nothing but a notch on his bed post woman."

I keep staring into his eyes, finally I smile, sending everyone off guard., I scratch under my chin, and before anyone can react I throw a right hook, busting the man's nose. Blood begins to pour from the wound as I pull back for another hit, but strong arms pull me back, pinning my arms to my sides. "Crazy bitch."

"You know the last person to call me that is dead, I suggest you leave."

* * *

Julia's P.O.V

I watch my daughter as she touches her lips softly pulling herself from a happy memory only to be shrouded in the present.

"How did we not pick that up?" Sam asks no one in particular.

"We had been together for six months at that point, we had gotten pretty good at covering our asses." I smile as I observe Kensi in this environment. I know my daughter Kensi, but not Agent Blye, or the woman that she apparently became as she searched for Marty, Sam had said that no one on the team had ever seen that side of her. Kensi Bly certainly was a complex human being

Eric was about to speak when the door to Deeks' room flew open. "Where is my Detective?" Bates growled. My daughter stood blocking this man from Marty and Hetty stood in front of Kensi.

"Bates." Bates? This must be Marty's boss over at LAPD. I can tell that this is a hated man from the tension radiating off of everybody.

"Get out of my way woman," he maneuvers around Hetty and comes face to face with Kensi, his face is set in a scowl, and Kensi's a glare. "Get out of my way." He growled.

"Why?" her voice was calm but laced with venom, I had never heard her sound so vicious, perhaps I was seeing the Kensi that the team saw while looking for Marty. "So that you can belittle him while he is in a comatose state, and can't defend himself? No." she bites. "You took him away from me," she jabs a finger in his chest, pushing him back slightly, her whole body is tense with hatred for this man. "You took him away, for six months, you have no right to be here, I suggest you leave."

"Listen here, I do not take orders from you, that worthless cop," he points to Deeks, "belongs to me, not Hetty and not you. He is mine, and I will do what I see fit."

Kensi looks down to the floor and shakes her head and lets loose a small humorless chuckle. "He does not belong to you," Kensi growls. I feel a cold chill run down my spine at my daughters tone, it is dangerous, calculating and laced with so much anger that I fear for this man's safety. "You Bates are the only worthless cop I see. How many times have you sent Marty into an undercover op thinking you would never see him again? Remember 9 months ago when you sent him undercover as Max Gentry? Do you not remember how he begged you not to send him under as Max, he came back, back to me, but I was so close to losing him because of your stupidity. They beat him, he witnessed unspeakable things, and you didn't give a rat's ass." She is now just inches from Bates, her glare making him shrink back. "So no, Marty Deeks does not belong to you."

There is a deep profound fear in Bates' eyes, Kensi's are filled with a fire, a fire that is leading her, and taking command of the situation. Apparently no one lays claim to Marty but her, and that makes my daughter a very dangerous woman.

Then it seems the man grows a pair, trying to keep some of his dignity, but everyone knows that it is futile going up against Kensi when she is protecting Marty. "So what he belongs to you?" he looks her up and down with a disgusting leer and smile. "Has he fucked you yet? Deeks was pretty well known for sleeping with his female partners then getting them killed. You are nothing but a notch on his bed post woman."

I feel my own blood begin to boil, how dare this man talk to my daughter in such a way. But looking over at Kensi I see what she is about to do. Her smile becomes off putting as she scratches her chin before pulling her right arm back and breaking Bates' nose. Blood begins pouring out of his nose like a waterfall. Just as Kensi pulls back to his him again Sam pulls her away pinning her arms at her sides.

I stare in disbelief at the savage look in my daughter's eye as she struggles against Sam, doing everything that she can to hit him again. Her face is set in a deep scowl that mars her face and gives her a threatening and dare I say menacing aura and even if just for a second I become scared of my own child.

"Crazy bitch." Bates mutters as he stands up.

"You know the last person to call me that is dead, I suggest you leave." Kensi warns as she continues to struggle against Sam, clearly wanting another hit before he leaves.

As soon as Sam deems it safe he lets go of Kensi and she automatically goes to Marty's bedside and she becomes the complete opposite of the woman I saw a few minutes ago. She runs her hand through his hair and leans in to brush his lips with hers. "Can I have a moment alone please." I know, as well as everyone else that it is not a question but an order.

"Of course Ms. Blye." Hetty says softly. We all gather in the waiting room dissecting the events that we had just witnessed. "I must go, I expect all of you at work next week," she bgins to walk away.

"Hetty what about Kensi?" Callen asks warily.

"It still stands to reason Mr. Callen that is Marty does not wake up then you will have two positions to fill, for she was not lying that day she came to my office with the declaration that she does not want another partner, it is either him or no one" with that she turns on her heel and leaves.

"Have any of you…" I run a hand down the front of my blouse. "Was she like that while looking for him?" I ask quietly.

"This is a side to Kensi that none of us have seen until she was told he was missing, we thought that it was over but clearly we were wrong." Sam said as he led me to a seat.

"I was scared, of my own daughter." I whisper. "I was afraid for my own safety for a fraction of a second. Does that make me a horrible mother?" I ask mostly to myself.

"No," Nell says softly as she rubs my back. "Kensi can be a pretty intimidating woman. I think that this is a side to her that none of us have seen and therefore do not know how to handle it, she has lost so many people and this side of her is fiercely protective, not dangerous to us," she motions to the team. "But dangerous to those who threaten to tear him from her. but because she hasn't cared for someone but him since we all met her we are new to this new Kensi."

I look up to Marty's door then over at Nell. "Thank you, Nell."

"Did any of you know that Deeks went undercover as Max Gentry 9 months ago?" Eric asked. Everyone shook their heads.

"Who is Max Gentry." I ask.

"One of Deeks' alias'," Kensi answers as she walks into the waiting room. "Max is a man who likes to use violence instead of words. Deeks hates going under as him because it reminds him of his father." He voice is quiet, her shoulders slumped, any fight that was in her before is now gone.

* * *

Callen's P.O.V

Kensi is standing in the center of our little circle of chairs; there are dark circles under her eyes, and her clothes rumpled, basically… she looks like hell.

"Why didn't you guys say something?" I ask.

"Because Deeks didn't want any of you to know so he told you he was going on vacation." she wraps her arms around her stomach, a move that has become all too common this past week. "He came back and I didn't even recognize him, his eyes… they were so cold…

* * *

_Kensi's P.O.V_

_ If there is one thing I hate as much as I hate when Deeks is away is a case that runs late. Today marked the seventh day Deeks was under as Max, well eight since it was now one in the damn morning. Opening the door to the apartment I feel my senses go on high alert._

_ I grab my gun and stalk into the apartment. I stop cold at the sight of Deeks sitting on the floor against the wall with a bottle of Jack hung loosely in his hand. I lower my gun, "Deeks?" I take a step back but quickly retract when he glares up at me._

_ His eyes, usually so full of love and laughter are cold and cruel as he looks up at me. He says nothing just hobbles to his feet. "Get out." He bites as he points at the door._

_ "I'm not going anywhere Deeks, not till I help." I whisper as I move towards him_

_ "Leave, or I will make you."_

_ "No you won't, you won't hurt me." He throws the glass bottle at the wall then turns to me a vicious glare set in his eyes. I can't stop the gasp as he stalks towards me like a wolf._

_ "You don't know that, I am a monster." My back hits the wall as he stops a breath away from me, his breath smells of alcohol. I reach up and touch his cheek._

_ "I do know that, I love you. Say it. I love you." his jaw clenches as his eyes roam my face. "Say it, I know it is the one thing that will feel real Marty." My other hand moves over his heart._

_ "I love you." he whispers._

_ "Again." I say as I slip my hands under his leather jacket… Max's leather jacket._

_ "I love you Kensi." He says more forcibly. "You have to help me, you have to save me." _

_ I lean up and kiss him, it is slow and full of love. "I will always save you Marty." I whisper, my lips grazing his with every word._

_ "What did I do to deserve you?" he asks as he rests his head on the crook between my shoulder and neck._

* * *

Callen's P.O.V

As Kensi finishes the memory I can't help but look at her with fascination. The best first date girl in town had fallen in love. I look over at Nell who is still next to Julia, and her words ring in my mind. _To take what is mine._ If that meant what I think it did then why has she not done anything…

"I was so close to losing him to himself…" I see tears well up in her eyes, but they do not fall. "Why is he not waking up?" Kensi asks herself. "What did I ever do to deserve this torture?"

"Nothing Kensi." I state firmly, but she shakes her head. "Kensi!" her eyes shoot to me in surprise, as does the rest of the team. I lower my voice and soften it. "Life is not fair, it hasn't been fair to any of us, he will wake up, you know Deeks he has a thing for being dramatic." I move to stand before her, my eyes never leaving hers. "But if you give up, then he will most certainly not wake up. Now, come here." I open my arms and she walks into them leaning her head on my shoulder.

I do not know how long we stand there when a familiar voice yells out; it was laced with fear, loss, dread and distress. Nurses begin running towards a now familiar room that has been Kensi's home for the past week.

"KENSI!"


	15. My Beautiful Girl

**A/N: so after much consideration I decided to bring Talia in as a friendly face, and I couldn't help but thrown in that nasty head butt in the Stunt Fight… Enjoy, and thank you to my best friend for editing this for me, I am notorious for misspelling or typing her instead of he because my brain moves way to fast when I write**

**Also I couldn't stop myself from throwing in some more Nell and Callen.**

**My Beautiful Girl**

Chapter 15

Nell's P.O.V

I sit next to Julia as Callen embraces Kensi, trying to comfort the hurting woman. Kensi is not crying but her body seems to lose its life as Callen strokes her back. "He needs to wake up." I whisper so that they can't hear. And it seems as though my timing couldn't be better as Deeks' yell wakes Kensi from her reverie.

"KENSI!"

It takes a fraction of a second for Kensi to literally rip herself from Callen's hold and run as fast as she can down the hallway. "Deeks!" she yells back. And, just because we can, we all stand up and run after her stopping at the window looking into his room. What I witness is a truly beautiful moment between lovers.

As Kensi walks into the room it is slow, her eyes wide as though she can't believe that he is actually awake. Deeks' eyes are just as wide as he looks her up and down in the most loving way, his lips move in silence to us but whatever he says wakes the female agent up and she strides to his bed. Without a thought Kensi leans close to him, but her lips hover over his, her forehead resting on his bruised one, and for several seconds they just stare at each other. Kensi says something then Deeks' hand gently pulls her forward and they kiss… it is so reverent, tender and passionate that I can't look away and I know that the team can't either.

"True love." Callen whispers in my ear so that no one else can hear. I gasp as his warm breath fans across my neck.

I take a deep breath and in a moment of bravery I grab Callen's hand and drag him away from the team who are still watching the young lovers.

"Nell, what are you doing?" he asks but one look in his eyes tells me that he more than knows.

"I'm doing what they did," I point in the direction of Kensi and Deeks. "I am taking what is mine." And without a second thought I gracefully (thank god it was graceful) throw myself in Callen's arms and kiss his lips with as much love that I can, hoping, praying that he understands.

* * *

Kensi's P.O.V

I have no clue how long I stand in Callen's embrace but it is long enough that I feel my body relax, I didn't realize how stressed and tensed that my muscles were. But the moment I hear his voice I rip myself from Callen's arms and bolt to where I know he is.

But the moment that I am in his room I feel my body slow down against the wishes of my heart and mind. He is awake….He's awake…. This nightmare is finally over he is alive and awake. "I thought when I woke up and you were not here that you were dead…" he whispers brokenly and that spurs my body to obey my head.

I quickly bolt to his bedside and, without missing a beat, I lean over him and press my forehead to his gently and just look into those blue eyes that I love to lose myself in. "I'm right here Marty." He pulls me those last few centimeters and finally his lips touch mine.

The kiss from a week ago was full of lust and love, but this was reverent and filled with so much love I felt a tear fall. He pulls back, his eyes full of concern.

"You were shot, why are you not resting?" his voice was raspy and rough from misuse.

"It wasn't that bad, but that was a week ago," I whisper, my forehead still on his. "That was a week ago, you've been in a coma for a week, Marty." I reach with both hands and place them on his bruised chest. "God I missed you, Marty. I found the letters." I look over to the box and his eyes follow.

He smiles and reaches out for it, but cringes in pain. I take his outstretched hand and grab the box. "I take it that because you found it, you found this." he says as he pulls out the ring.

"I did, I was so scared when the doctor told me that you might not wake up, that I thought you would never get to ask me." I say quietly.

"I also take it that everyone who it staring through the window knows about us?" he smiles without looking at the team. I nod with a smile. "Then perhaps this is the best time…"

I can't help the laugh that escapes as he opens the ring box and stares at me, I can feel my body shaking.

"Kensi Marie Blye, I am so sorry about leaving, I'm so sorry for all of this, but all that this has done is made the love we share stronger. I am so in love with you that whenever I see you my heart beats faster, my mind is consumed by thoughts of you, you made me realize that someone with a past like mine can find love," I gasp as I run my thumb over his stubble. "I am so deeply irrevocably in love with you Kensi, marry me?"

"Of course Marty," I whisper watching in fascination as he slides the simple engagement ring on. "I am so in love with you too." I whisper still staring into his eyes. "God I thought I lost you." I feel tears fall as I lean into his hug, a hug that I had waited nearly six months for.

The team and my mother walk in with smiles and hugs. I notice the air of difference between the red head and the senior agent, so as I embrace my friend I can't help but whisper, "I see you took the advice, I am so happy for you." she pulls back her hands on my upper arms.

"Same goes for you future Mrs. Deeks."

"I quiet like the sound of that Fern." Deeks retorts. I can't help but laugh and look over my shoulder at him.

"Well at least we know your humor is still intact, Deeks." I wink as he smirks.

"I missed you too." He says making the whole room laugh.

"You know Kensi moped around the Mission while you were away." Sam retorts and only smiles as I send him a glare.

"Oh did she now? My Kensi Blye, moping?"

"I was not moping I was…"

"Yes?" Deeks questions with that infuriating, lovable smirk.

"I was not moping," I say quietly taking everyone by surprise, it was quiet understandable, I usually don't show emotion but these past six months took a toll on my emotional walls. "I was sad," I say I was sat next to him on the bed and grabbed his hand. "It sucked going home to an empty bed, no one to cook me dinner," he smiles. I lean down and whisper so only he hears, "I missed you calling me your beautiful girl every morning." I pull back with a smile.

He brushes a thumb over my cheekbone. "My beautiful girl."

* * *

Sam's P.O.V

"You know Kensi moped around the Mission while you were away," I say with a smile as I wait for Kensi to turn her glare on me, she doesn't disappoint.

"Oh did she now? My Kensi Blye, moping?"

"I was not moping, I was…." I watched as Kensi struggled to come up with a believable lie but suddenly I saw a deep sadness touch her eyes as she averted her eyes from Deeks.

"Yes?" Deeks smirked.

Then in such a soft voice, a stark difference to the one she used while searching for a missing Deeks, she spoke words that were clearly straight from the heart that is a mystery to everyone, including her own mother, saved for one Marty Deeks. "I was not moping, I was… sad." She sat on the edge of his bed and grabbed his hand, her thumb stroking mindless circle on his wrist, her new engagement ring shinning in the unforgiving lights of the hospital. "It sucked going home to an empty bed, no one to cook me dinner," he smiles as she leans close to his ear. "I missed you calling me your beautiful girl every morning." Her voice was just barely loud enough for all of us to hear what, was obviously supposed to be just between them.

He reaches up and brushes his thumb over her cheek, "My beautiful girl." And I swear I could feel the love enveloping them, the love between them so strong, so complete, so… it was a love that made you want to go home and hug your other half and cherish them.

Deeks tries and fails to stifle a yawn so I speak up, "Alright I think that it is time you both rest, we will be right outside if you need anything." And with final good-byes and congratulations I push everyone out seeing that Deeks eyes were almost closed.

We make ourselves comfortable and make small conversation when a familiar woman walks into the waiting room. She is sporting a black eye and a bruise on her upper right arm that looks suspiciously like handprints.

"Talia?" Callen asks, standing between her and Deeks door. "What are you doing here?"

"You made it." Kensi says as she walks around Callen, looking the DEA agent over. "Are you okay?"

"You are asking me if I'm okay? I should be asking you, I'm sorry it took so long I was under…"

"It doesn't matter, now tell me are you okay? That is a serious black eye."

"I thought they hated each other?" Eric whispers in confusion. I merely shrug and look at everyone's confused faces.

"I'm good. How is Deeks?"

"He was in a coma for a week but he just woke… then promptly fell back asleep." She says with a smile.

"Well obviously not before popping the question," Talia takes Kensi's hand and stares at the ring with a big smile.

"Um…" Nell stumbles, catching the brunettes' attention. "I Thought you… you guys got into a fight…. We thought you hated each other…"

The woman look at each other and chuckle. Talia is the one who speaks, "Well we did get into a fight but I knew I never had a chance, not with the way these two looked at each other," Kensi shakes her head. "So I apologized for egging her on and well here we are."

"Have you known about them this whole time?"

"No," Kensi says. "We ran into her about a month before his assignment and she just kind of pieced things together, when not in the Mission we didn't have to be so cautious.. Believe it or not but we actually became friends."

"Yea she is not so bad when she is not trying to head butt me." Kensi laughs throwing her head back.

"You are not going to let me live that down are you?"

"Hell no, you head butted me." This causes everyone to laugh. "Now where is Shaggy?"

"Down there, he might still be asleep." Kensi points to his door and Talia walks through it.

"Well that was… weird." I say as Kensi sits next to Julia.

"Yea, but once she stopped flirting with my partner I found out she is not that bad, so after we met back up we kept in contact. She helped a lot while Marty was away, her and mom." Kensi grabs Julia's hand and I see that even in their rocky foundation Julia was ecstatic that Kensi leaned on her for support. "I'm sorry that I didn't come to you guys…"

"Hey it is okay," Nell says.

"Yea," Eric pipes up. "We understand, sometimes you need to lean on those outside of work in times like that."

Kensi tilts her head, "That is very sweet of you Eric." She says softly

**A/N: thank you for all of the reviews, follows and favorites, please feel free to leave more ;)**


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